When technology doesn’t work and we can’t do anything to fix it, we tap into feelings of anger and frustration, of being out of control of something we believe is vital to our well-being. When did we surrender that much power to inanimate objects, allowing them to wreak such havoc in our lives? It’s as if we really do want to believe in fairy tales and have decided technology is our surrogate happy ending. When we have our technology, we will live happily ever after. We have tied technology to personal happiness, which is unwise. Happiness in life should never … Continue reading →

Of all the anxiety-producing categories, this is the one I identify with most. I have practically transferred my brain into my cell phone: it has archived all the names, places, dates, numbers, reminders, and notations – everything I can’t be troubled to remember. The first thing I do every morning is to check my calendar app to see what’s waiting for me. Without my cell phone, I would truly be lost. The amount of time and energy it would take to restore all that data is immense. The only time I’m ever really tempted to kiss a stranger is when … Continue reading →

A woman I know with two small children is going through a difficult time in her life right now; she’s getting a divorce. Her husband left her abruptly, leaving her few options but to return to her hometown to live with her parents until she gets “settled.” Returning home feels to her like admitting defeat, like she’s unable to make it on her own. It’s hard for her to think about starting over in life, in relationships, in work; the whole thing is pretty overwhelming. I started noticing that whenever I’m on Facebook, so is she. I wondered, What are … Continue reading →

There is nothing pathological about having fun and about feeling enjoyment. We were created with these feelings and this potential. Engaging in a pleasurable activity is not inherently wrong. But the line between activity and addiction lies at the crossroads where an activity that is positive or neutral takes a decidedly negative turn. With addictive behaviors that do not involve chemical substances – such as social media – there are a series of conditions you can use to determine severity. Importance: How important has it become to your sense of self and the way you life your life? You can … Continue reading →

Carl knew it was coming. The real question was how long it would last. Depending on what kind of day his dad was having, it could be a few minutes or a half hour. If he didn’t have to bring back his progress report signed by a parent, he wouldn’t even have showed him his grades. Carl might have asked his mother to sign, but he knew her response would be, “Show your father.” Might as well get it over with. Carl shifted from foot to foot as he stood by the kitchen table watching his father read over his … Continue reading →

“Jane’s such an airhead, it’s a wonder she doesn’t float away completely!” “Did you hear what Bob over in engineering did the other day? He was so busy figuring up his gas mileage, he ran out of gas!” “Like Shirley really deserved that raise! Like she’s so hard-working! The only thing she ever worked hard for around here is making the most of her coffee breaks!” “What a moron Joe down in the garage is! The only way he’s gonna move up in the world is to climb on top of a car!” The stand-up comic is just that – … Continue reading →

Hand in glove with the overbearing opinion is the person who is always right. Overbearing-opinion abusers have an idea or opinion about everything. People who are always right do not make the same volume of pronouncements, but when they do, they always position themselves in the right and everyone else in the wrong. They will sift through events and information for proof of their rightness, bombarding anyone who questions them with a list of reasons why they are correct in their thinking. There is no room for a second opinion. Neutral in circumstances in which they have no interest, these … Continue reading →

Study after study shows that stress is a destroyer of health, causing disease and disability. The emotional toll of abuse is manifested in physical stress. Anger, guilt, and fear produce specific physiological reactions that wear down the body. Over time this stress produces physical symptoms that are impossible to ignore or medicate. These can include: – Digestive difficulties including ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome – Heartbeat irregularities – Chronic fatigue – Tightness of the chest – Difficulty breathing or hyperventilation – Muscle tension or shakiness – Headaches – Loss of appetite – Binge eating – Chronic illness such as colds … Continue reading →

The reason given for emotional abuse varies: you are bad, stupid, ugly, or unwanted, or you are the wrong sex, the wrong age, or the wrong whatever. No matter what reason is provided, you are to blame for what is happening to you. You are guilty of causing the abuse. The guilt you are feeling is not true guilt. True guilt is brought on by a realistic understanding of your behavior and its consequences to yourself and others. False guilt is an oppressive burden that is not based on reality but on the warped views, ideas, and attitudes of others. … Continue reading →

At the most basic level, emotional abuse robs you of your sense of security and value. In an attempt to bring order out of chaos, even the regularity of abuse can be substituted for a sense of what is normal. One of the deepest needs of children is for consistency, including the certain knowledge that they are unconditionally accepted and valued by those who love them. Small children crave the repetitive, constant nature of certain stories in which the same words or phrases are used over and over again. Children know what to expect, anticipate with delight the coming use … Continue reading →