Everyone needs to improve his or her communication skills. Communication is not easy. Talking might be, but actually exchanging information in a manner that both the sender and receiver are on the same wavelength is not.
The reason communication isn’t easy is because we are emotional beings. Think about what needs to happen for your modem or Internet connection to successfully swap packets. You need a clear connection; even a small amount of line noise can slow down the reception or garble the transmission completely. Line noise occurs between people when our emotions get tangled up. Whether the emotion is anger, passion, fear or sadness – even happiness can create line noise.
One way to improve your communication skills with your partner, spouse or significant other is to take a deep breath before responding to any remark said in anger or hurt. This few second reset can help you clear your own lines of communication.
Another good rule of thumb that some people employ is to ‘always assume good intentions.’ This doesn’t mean a Polly Anna complex, but rather the honest belief that even though someone said something to you and you could construe it in a negative fashion; try to focus on the positive instead.
Limit yourself to ‘I’ statements. These ‘I’ statements are in lieu of ‘you do this’ or ‘you did that’ or ‘you always.’ In most discussions, ‘you’ statements are accusatory whereas ‘I’ statements are explanatory.
Telling someone “I feel like it’s hard to always say what I am feeling’ is far more likely to earn a dialogue than ‘you shut me out and never want to hear what I have to say.’
Everyone wants to be heard whether you agree with them or not. Listen to your loved one’s complaints, they are more likely to complain about you not listening to them or not hearing them than they are if you just disagree with them. Teenagers say their parents never listen and parents complain their kids never listen.
Spouses find that talking to a wall might be easier than having their mate hear them. Let others know you are listening, clear away that line noise and receive their message. Respond to it so they know you have heard it and keep that channel open. It’s not the answer to every problem, but keeping your lines of communication open will solve many problems before they even start.
Do you have line noise when you are trying to communicate with your spouse?
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By Juno – Happily Ever After & Going Strong