When my children were younger, it was so much easier to shield them from certain things…for instance, family drama. For the most part they weren’t aware of some of the “interesting” behavior that sometimes transpired between family members.
Now that they are teens, well, they are more than aware of what happens. In fact, now they have an attitude of “So what is it going to be this holiday?”
I really hate that. I mean, it grieves my heart that my children have to wonder what new drama will unfold. But family never lets them down…sure enough, our Thanksgiving started with some good old fashioned family conflict.
What I have come to realize over the years, and is something I am hopefully teaching my children, is that we cannot control other people. However, we can control ourselves. And many times, we can be the one who changes the atmosphere of the moment. We can steer things in a more positive direction.
Before certain family members even arrived at our house, a couple of phone calls and text messages let me know that drama was about to enter our doors. I have to admit that my first reaction was not good. I got upset. I allowed it to overtake me for a few moments. That fed into my children. Not good.
But then I quickly realized that I had a choice to make. When those family members walked in, I could be a positive example to my children and show them the right way to handle drama. Or I could show them the opposite way, by feeding into the drama.
Although I started off on the wrong foot, I can happily say that I ended up on the right path…both feet planted firmly in the soil of peace. I helped to change the atmosphere and bring back a semblance of peace.
Now I’m not saying this will work for everyone but it did for us. First of all, when everyone entered our door, I had a big smile on my face and refused to entertain their frowns. I then kept myself busy in the kitchen, with last minute preparations. I didn’t allow myself to get sucked into unhealthy conversations.
One family member was sniffling nearby and this might sound cold, but I didn’t engage that person. Because I knew if I did, it would only fuel the fire. So instead I ignored the sniffles and happily went about getting the dishes ready for serving.
Guess what? The sniffles quickly went away…simply because no one was paying attention. Now keep in mind, all of my children are around and observing this.
Then we ate dinner and after watching our awesome Green Bay Packers win yet another game (undefeated for 11 games in a row, I might add), I broke out the “Apples to Apples” game. One particular family member didn’t want to play because another family member they were “mad” at was playing.
Once again, I diffused the situation and laughed it off, not even giving that person a chance to back out of the game. I handed her cards anyway.
By the end of the evening, everyone was laughing and smiling. The drama had left. My children got to see a good ending and for that, I am truly thankful.
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