One of the toughest challenges of parenting is disciplining kids.
And as if knowing, when, where, and how much to dole out weren’t tough enough, there are times when you are also forced to figure out who is responsible when more than one child is involved in an altercation, so that you are disciplining the right kid.
For example, say you are making dinner in the kitchen while your kids are “playing” in the basement. Suddenly, your peaceful salad-making routine is shattered by your son screaming, “Moooooooom, she pushed me into the TV!”
This is immediately followed by your daughter countering with, “He told me I look like a buck-toothed beaver, but I never touched him. Honest!”
Do you get involved or let them settle it on their own? Or, do you ignore their versions of what happened and simply punish both of them?
According to child psychologists, the first thing you should do as a parent when called upon to referee an argument between siblings is to take a few minutes to center yourself. By doing so, you are better able to assess the problem rather than give into a knee-jerk reaction to muzzle both kids and send them to their rooms until high school graduation.
Next, experts recommend calling the kids together and reminding them that you have a strict hands-off policy in your home. No one in the family is allowed to get physical, for whatever reason. In this case, even if your son did start the fight by teasing, your daughter can’t finish it by pushing. If she does, she will have to suffer disciplinary action.
Next, tell your son: “Whenever you tattle on your sister, I will punish both of you.” Doing so will show your kids that they both will pay for dragging you into their war. Essentially, you are making the tattler weigh whether creating problems for his sibling is worth suffering a consequence; for example, missing TV or video game time.
Obviously, this is not a foolproof plan for eliminating fights among siblings, but it may reduce them, and that’s the real goal when you are trying to preserve your sanity as a parent.
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