We’re human, so it’s only natural that we have a little bit of a competitive streak in us, right? I have to admit, I do enjoy beating Matt at a game of Words with Friends or Phase 10. He would definitely beat me in any kind of physical race or competition, so it’s only fair that I hold my own with board games, right? See, I knew you’d understand.
But what about the need some husbands and wives have to constantly one-up each other? I’ve seen this happen, and it’s not pretty.
Husband: I have a headache.
Wife: Me too! I had to take four aspirin and lay down before it would go away.
Husband: I’m seeing spots.
Wife: I had spots and nausea.
Or …
Wife: I have some good news.
Husband: I do too. Harry at work just bought a truck.
Wife: That’s nice. But Misty is going to have a baby.
Husband: Good for her. This truck has a huge payload and he got it for next to nothing.
Wife: I get to be the godmother.
Husband: We get to borrow the truck when we go fishing.
These two examples are, of course, very silly, but they illustrate my point—some husbands and wives don’t listen to each other, and they try to make their own words more important than their spouses. It doesn’t matter what their spouse says—they are so intent on being the star of the show that they’ll just talk right over the top of the other person. I bet you’ve seen this in couples you know … do you see it in your own marriage?
Sometimes both the husband and wife do have important news to share, and they’re so excited, they naturally talk over the other person. I recommend taking turns. Listen to your spouse fully. Give them your complete attention. Then it’s your turn. Agree on this kind of communication now, and then put it into play when you both need to talk.
My husband and I also have a fifteen-second rule. If I say, “I don’t feel good,” he has to wait fifteen seconds before he can say it too. This way, I feel as though he heard me, and then I can really hear him.
Competition isn’t good for a marriage when it involves hurt feelings. It’s all right to enjoy a little friendly back-and-forth over a game, but when feelings get in the middle and one partner feels plowed down by the other, that’s no way to conduct a marriage.
Related Blogs:
Working Together as Husband and Wife
Would You Be Happier to Be Thinner Than Your Spouse?
Are You Putting Other Things Before Your Husband’s Happiness?