While I was researching information about affairs and STDs I ran across an interesting discussion on a medical help website forum. It’s one of those where you can post a question for a doctor to answer.
One woman had had her pap test come back indicating she had HPV. She feared she contracted it from her husband, who had been unfaithful.
The doctor explained that even though she’s had normal pap tests her entire life, it might not necessarily be her husband’s fault. She could have contracted the HPV 20 years ago, it remained latent, and just now reactivated. The trouble was there was no way of determining if it had been latent in her system for years or was recently contracted.
Someone else replying to the thread said if she suspected it wasn’t latent and was because her husband had been unfaithful she should make sure to be tested for other STDs.
The woman responded she didn’t just suspect her husband’s infidelity, she was sure of it. He’d admitted to it.
However, she had also been trying to forgive him and work to save their marriage –until she learned she had HPV. Something she was very angry about and that was making it extra difficult for her to forgive him. To the point she wasn’t sure she ever would or that she even wanted to stay in the marriage anymore.
What I found interesting was the responses she got to that.
One poster wrote “I think the bottom line is you will never by 100% sure of were it came from and you will need to stay or leave your marriage based on factors other than HPV.”
Then the doctor himself weighed in with “you’ll never know for sure. But in my opinion as an STD expert, it truly doesn’t matter. The fact of the infidelity is what is important. That HPV came along with it, if it did, does not make the crime worse, because HPV is totally unpreventable, so it doesn’t make the ‘crime’ any worse.”
I understood what both responders were saying, but for some reason I found their responses shocking. Especially the doctor’s.
Yes, there is a chance the HPV laid dormant in her body, but… His infidelity was more recent. It’s going to be the rare woman who wouldn’t suspect she’d contracted the HPV from her cheating husband when she’d previously had 20 years of normal pap tests results.
And the trouble with HPV, all the hubbubabaloo around it, is that it’s linked to cervical cancer. What if she got that? What if she hadn’t caught it in time or been able to treat it? What if her life was over because of his indiscretion?
Luckily that’s not her case, but it could have been. And for that, I think she is wise to consider the HPV when deciding whether to stay with her husband or not. In one respect, it’s arguable his actions could have killed her.
Last I checked, murder was a crime. I don’t know about you, but I’d be hard pressed to forgive anyone who almost killed me.
Courtney Mroch writes about animals great and small in Pets and the harmony and strife that encompasses married life in Marriage. For a full listing of her articles click here.
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