If I was to be pressed to give one tiny morsel of advice to parents—all parents of any age child, parents who have biological children or adopted children, and parents with one, two, or many children—my only phrase would be: “Don’t give up.” Whether you are wrestling with potty training or discipline issues or a learning disability or character development, the commitment to your kids and the willingness to stay in there no matter what is what parenting is all about.
We ALL make mistakes! My goodness, if I could have just one dollar for every time I made an error in judgment or didn’t figure out what was going on with my child soon enough, or said something I regretted, I would be a very wealthy woman indeed! But, the fact is, despite all these bumbles and fumbles, and despite the fact that I have definitely reached the edges of frustration and exasperation (edges I never even imagined existed prior to having children), I know that I am committed no matter what. And, I hope that my kids know that I won’t give up either.
I have this theory that everyone needs to feel “claimed.” Whether it is a child or an adult or a cat, knowing that you belong somewhere and that someone has claimed you as theirs (not as a possession but as a “you’re a part of my life and I’m here for you no matter what”) gives us the stability and grounding we need to learn how to live and move around this big, confusing world. I also believe that our children really don’t care if we are perfect. Anyone who has lived through the teenage years knows that no matter how fabulous a parent you thought you were, after your child turns 13, you are anything but perfect or fabulous! What our children need is for us to stay in there, to be committed and determined to find ways to connect, guide, and encourage them. Our children need to know that we will never give up!
See Also: Parental Claiming of an Older Adopted Child
How Many Times Have I Been Done?