I recently ran across a forum where parents were comparing notes on whether or not their teens would hug them. Most said the teens would hug them in private and would prefer not to in public. Some parents respected the kids need for space and others hugged them anyway. It seems that all of the teens survived being hugged by their parents whether they liked it or not.
My next step was an article entitled “Is Hugging Bad for Teens?” The article looks at hugging from the viewpoint of school administrators. Recently schools have been putting the breaks on hugging activities. Some of them have banned hugs altogether. Others only allow quick side hugs. Others prefer the three second rule. Administrators found hugging in school to be distracting at best with kids wanting to literally hang onto each other all day.
Reading about all of that hugging in school is enough to make a parent jealous. After all, if your kid will hug anything with arms when they are away from you, why don’t you get the same treatment?
Personally, I hug them anyway. Like one parent in the forum who told her nephew, “I love you and will hug you every time I see you”, I make sure my kids know that I get first dibs when it comes to handing out hugs. My kids don’t exactly make it easy. I barely come up to my son’s shoulder and it doesn’t take much effort to hold me at arms length, but I lunge for him as often as I can and from time to time catch him off guard and steel a hug. Sometimes he even hugs me voluntarily. As for my daughter, at 13, she is still cuddly, and I take full advantage of that.
According to the Toronto Metro News, “Hugging is powerful. Hugging releases oxytocin, the brain’s bonding chemical. Studies going back as far as the 1930s have shown that people who did not receive adequate cuddling and touch as newborns later suffered both mentally and physically, even if all other basic needs were met. Others have shown that old folks who don’t get hugs may become senile faster and die sooner.”
So regardless of their behavior, demeanor, or resistance hug them anyway, and don’t discourage them from hugging their friends. Do however, give them permission to deny a hug to anyone they don’t feel comfortable with.
~If you liked this you should also read my other posts at the home blog, the homeschooling blog, the parents blog, and the frugal blog. You can read my recent posts here.
Can You Be Too Strict with Teens?
New School Rule: No Hugging Allowed
Want to Know How to Decrease Stress?