You know, it’s funny – we have to have degrees with initials like A.A. B.A., B.S. M.A. M.S. or Ph. D. in order to get some jobs or hold employment positions. But getting married, which is like trying to earn a Bachelor’s, Masters and PhD in relationships all at once doesn’t require any sort of formal education or previous experience at all. In fact, considering the whole impact that it has on your life – it’s surprising that more of us don’t take it seriously before we get married.
No Experience Required
The idea of no experience required may be a bit of a misnomer considering we’re likely to at least know or have had the experience of getting to know your prospective spouse before they asked you to marry them. Still, we have a series of relationships that begin with the relationships we have with our parents. They are the most formidable and shaping force in our life.
Our relationships with our siblings come in a close second. These are intimate relationships that comprise the first 18 to 25 years of our lives prior to marriage. Following on the heels of these are our friendships and romantic relationships, both immature and mature. Later, you can throw into that mix your relationships with co-workers and more.
That is the education we have prior to committing to a relationship that we intend, at least when we get started, to make last for the rest of our lives. For all that my husband and I shared a wonderful relationship for three years prior to marrying, it hardly prepared us for the rigors of marriage.
On the Job Training
Our on the job training included balancing financial commitments and styles – he’s a saver and I’m a spender; managing our household – I’m a nester and he’s an adventurer; our developing our parenting styles – I’m authoritative and he can be authoritarian; and balancing our career and long-term life goals – I have many and he only has a few.
There were plenty of times when we would stand there staring at each other across what seemed like a gulf of differences and yet – swimming against the tide wasn’t a problem because despite the fact that neither of us thought it should be this hard – we wanted to be together. Marriage can illuminate the differences between you, but you have to put lampshades decorated with all the reasons for why you wanted to be together in the first place over that bright wattage.
We’re all different. We’re different from our parents. We’re different from our siblings. We’re different from our friends. We’re different from our spouses. If we were exactly alike, chances are we wouldn’t be together with our spouses or our friends. Similarities and commonalities can be defined in a multitude of ways, however – it’s our differences that actually make us engaging.
The things about my husband that are different and that can be frustrating are some of the things that make him such a great husband and partner for me. His patience can temper mine. His positive outlook and way of looking at the world as though the glass is half-full definitely pays off against my sometimes cynical the glass is half-empty.
By that same token, I’ve never met a challenge I couldn’t face and I understand hard work and striving to get to where you need to be. I also don’t believe that things should be easy – you never appreciate the easy stuff – so maybe marriage shouldn’t be this hard and maybe we have to learn everything on the job – but isn’t that what makes marriage an adventure?
Related Articles:
Pre-Marital Therapy: What Recommends It?