As wonderful as my marriage is, and as much as my husband and I love each other, sometimes he honestly doesn’t understand what I’m saying to him. I’ll ask him to do something, he’ll miss a crucial step or explanation, things go terribly awry, and then he says he didn’t hear that part or didn’t understand that part of the conversation. This last weekend, I actually had thoughts of beating him with my water bottle, I was so frustrated. But then I calmed down and we sat down to talk.
I asked my husband to help me understand how I can speak to him more clearly. I had decided that I should try to approach the situation from “what’s my part in fixing this” rather than “I shall bruise him with my water bottle.” We talked about things like sharing thoughts and feelings when we are both calm and rested—and I agree. I think that’s wise. But what do you do when you’re in a rush and information needs to be shared, and you can’t go into a meditative trance beforehand?
We settled on the following ideas:
1. Make sure I have his full attention—eye contact, etc.
2. Make sure I’m speaking loudly enough to be heard.
3. Ask for verification that he heard what I said.
On his part, he promised:
1. To try to pay more attention
2. To be a little more connected to the family when he’s at home
3. To understand that the situation does frustrate me, and to be patient with my frustration.
So much of the time, husbands and wives need to learn to communicate with each other in the language the other speaks. It’s like a German marrying a Finn—there are some similarities between the two, but they have to learn each other’s specific language. Men and women have lots of similarities, but they have to learn how to communicate with each other.
Sit down, talk to each other, and discuss your communication habits. What can you do to improve your own sending and receiving skills? What do you most want your partner to know about you?
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