I always thought I was a good listener when it comes to my husband. In fact, I would even say that I offer some pretty great advice. But listening and hearing are two completely different things.
For months and months I was hearing my husband complain about the medical bills. We, like many others, don’t have the best health insurance. It seems every time we’ve finally started to make a dent, something else comes up and a trip to the doctor sets us back.
Then my husband started to get depressed about the medical bills. I felt bad for him and I certainly tried to encourage him, but there wasn’t much else I could do. If I could wave a magic wand over them and make them disappear, I would.
Then one day while he was at work, I walked into our bedroom and rolled my eyes at the pile of envelopes and paper sitting next to his side of the bed. It’s a common complaint of mine, his lack of organization and how he has paper piles all over the house.
Suddenly an idea clicked. Why don’t I take over the medical bills? It’s easy for me to be the encourager when I’m not the one actually looking at them and dealing with them.
After spending nearly two hours going through all of his paperwork and shredding hundreds of pieces of paper, it struck me. My husband was feeling overwhelmed not only by the bills but the piles.
This was the moment in which I actually listened to his feelings, even though he wasn’t there to express them. I was recalling some of our conversations and realized he was essentially asking for help.
The papers that were left, I organized into file folders. But all of the medical bills, I collected and sorted.
When he came home and I showed him what I did and how I planned on taking over the medical bills, I could almost literally see the weight be lifted from his shoulders. His entire demeanor changed and the depression was gone.
That was a lesson I won’t forget. I need to not only hear what my husband is saying but listen for the meaning behind the words.