After the births of my first two children, I had typical emotional responses. I felt overwhelmed, sleep deprived, stressed, but relatively normal, in the whole scope of things. But with the birth of Johnny, in November, things were a little different. First, I left the hospital too early. Johnny was born at 6:45 AM on a Friday, and they gave me the option of leaving on Saturday, after all, this wasn’t my first baby and I knew how to take care of a new baby and myself after delivery. I missed my girls, so I went home.
I was not prepared for it, and I don’t recommend it to anyone. My girls were crazy excited to play with their new little brother. My husband, try as he might, did not cater to me the way that I thought he should. The day after returning home, only two days after delivery, I was home alone with a 4 year old, a 3 year old, and a newborn. I was not prepared for this. My emotions kicked in and didn’t stop for quite awhile. I was completely overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do. My mother would come over, then leave because she thought I was crying because of her. My husband would come home from work and get angry with me for crying all the time.
I didn’t know who to turn to and kept telling myself that I would give it one more day and if things didn’t get better, then I would call my doctor. I knew the signs and I knew what I was feeling was not normal. But I continued to justify my emotional state to myself. I had no hard feelings towards the baby, and I knew I was bonding with him in a normal manner. I convinced myself that if it was Post-Partum, then I would feel detached from the baby and want nothing to do with him. I was the opposite of this. I only wanted to be with the baby and wanted nothing to do with anyone else, even my girls.
I was lucky. At my 6 week check up, the nurse practitioner asked how I was feeling. I was embarrassed and didn’t want to say that I was a wreck. So, instead of being honest and upfront, I beat around the bush about my emotional discomfort. She read through the lines and talked to me about it. I said that I didn’t want to go on medication, and she was supportive of this, especially since I was bonding well with the baby. She told me to give it a little more time, and I did.
Luckily for me, this was the breaking point. Just talking to her, and admitting that I was having trouble seemed to be enough for me to pull myself back together. Two weeks later I returned to work, which gave me another outlet to my emotions, as well as other people to talk to. Not everyone is this lucky. Not everyone will bounce back so quickly. So, you need to be upfront with those you love and care about. Tell them that you’re overwhelmed, that you’re not okay. It’s hard, but, in the long run, it’s well worth it. After all, having a new baby is hard enough, let alone dealing with severe depression. Be honest. Seek out the help that is there. Just for someone to tell me it was going to be okay made such a big difference. Trust me.