This is a family forum and I’m going to do my best to discuss the following topic in a way that is not offensive. However, as marriages go, having your sex life hit the skids is a problem many couples may face after the birth of children. No matter how active, creative or unlimited their intimacy was prior to children – it seems that having a baby can not only neutralize the interest in physical intimacy, but also cut it off altogether.
Identifying the Problem
You may think the lack of interest in physical intimacy is the problem, yet strangely enough it’s not the problem that you may think it is. In fact, it’s not the waning interest, but the inability to discuss it with your partner. No matter how frank and open a society we have become and no matter how intimate we may be with our partner and spouse – discussing a lack of interest in physical intimacy can be downright daunting.
I can’t tell you how to make this problem go away. In fact, I can’t even tell you why you are experiencing this problem now. There are lots of therapists and trained professionals out there who are capable of and have given you their informed opinions.
Okay, So What Can I Tell You?
What I can tell you is that first and foremost you are not alone in going through these types of problems. What I can tell you is that between you and your spouse, you have the capability of coping with it. Here are a few guidelines to keep in mind so that you can discuss it and work together.
- Having a baby is an emotionally demanding and draining experience, as is caring for a newborn – your resistance and lack of interest in physical intimacy can be a failsafe for your body craving some privacy and sleep – it may simply go away as suddenly as it came on, but share your feelings with your spouse
- Talking about what is happening to you is critical, when your sexual interest wanes and you don’t talk to your spouse about it – you leave them to make their own suppositions and those could have a distinctly more negative impact on your relationship
- Choose a right time to have the discussion, you want privacy, comfort and closeness – so after the baby is settled for the night, when you are both relaxed and sitting in the living room
- Avoid blame at all costs – this isn’t anyone’s fault, least of all your child’s. It could be a biochemical reaction, it could be psychological, it could just be a phase – if you start blaming each other – it’s time to table it and come back to the discussion later
- Physical intimacy is more than just sexual intercourse, it may be that you both need to go back to courting each other – enjoying little touches, casual caresses along with cuddling and hugs
- Take your time and remember – the greatest ingredient in making love is the love that two of you share
Did you and your spouse have to cope with diminished interest in physical intimacy after the birth of a child?
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