The other day we saw how in the soap opera marriage it is so often about self. Sadly that’s also what you see that in some other marriages around where each person is mostly concerned with their rights and what they want, rather than caring for their mate and being selfless in their love. It is an idea that is constantly promoted by our society and our advertising media – that you’re no the most important person in a marriage. I beg to differ.
I’d suggest that rather than being focused on self the marriage which is more likely to flourish and last, is one where each person is the marriage is not selfish and self absorbed but selfless and thinking of the other person and their needs. What happens then, when each person is thinking of the other person and putting their needs above their own, is that both people in the marriage are actually being cared for and looked after and supported by the partner which is they way marriage is supposed to be.
It is when we want to stand on our own rights and insist on our own way that problems start. I watched a perfect example of this selfless love yesterday with a young married couple. It was obvious that each one was looking out for the needs of the other. People often say to them, ‘Oh you’re so lucky to have such a good relationship.’
They don’t understand that luck has nothing to do with it. Their marriage is based on mutual love, respect and concern for each other. The other ingredient is that they don’t sit back complacent that it is all going okay but they work on their marriage and maintaining it and seeking to be not selfish but other person centered.
Sounds and looks to me like an excellent recipe for a happy marriage. It’s also the pattern I see in happy lasting marriages that have stood the test of time.
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