One of the things that being married involves is instead of just pleasing yourself and thinking,‘what do I want to do or need to do,’ there is another person to consider. It becomes what do we want to do or need to do. This means that you may not always get to do what you want, because there are other considerations.
Sadly, while some people have a piece of paper saying they are married and a wedding ring on their finger, they have not changed their mentality. They still think like a single person. Their plans and schemes still revolve around themselves and that they want. They still think they can act like a single person, without considering the needs of their spouse.
Take for example the husband who makes plans to go out with mates and play golf on the weekend. When he tells his wife she says, ‘But I told you it was my mother’s birthday and we are taking her out for lunch.’ What she’d already told him didn’t register on his radar.
At this point he’s likely to say, ‘Well, you don’t need me anyway. You can go or you and the kids can go.’ She’s left feeling her plans don’t matter.
Another example is the guy who thinks it’s still okay for him to go out on a regular basis and get drunk with his single mates and in the process flirt with other women, while his wife stays at home. Or he may make plans without considering what the needs of the family are, whether children have to be dropped to soccer or net ball or music lessons.
This single mentality applies equally to the woman who thinks she ought to be able to spend time with her friends, doing the things they want to so without considering what her husband might want or that he might have other plans already lined up. She might think she ought to be able to spend her money on whatever she likes since she earned it, without considering they are now a couple and there may be other more pressing needs than a new pair of shoes or outfit.
It is the single mentality that is the root cause of problems in many marriages that we see in our neighborhoods and in society. It all comes back to people used to, and expecting to get, their own way rather than put the other person in the marriage first. The next generations will grow up thinking this is the way it works and the divorce rate will continue to go up, unless we show them another, and a better way.
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