Good morning and I hope you got a lot of sleep last night. One of the great things about the clocks changing is that when you get up, it’s still early. For those of us who get up early as a matter of course, it’s a great way to sleep in without actually losing any hours in the day. It’s also a little jarring for some people and it takes some getting use to because whether you are used to getting up early or not, the sun will be at a slightly different position outside and this can mess with your biorhythms.
So with that in mind, I wanted to tackle a few marriage exercises today that you can use to take advantage of the extra time available and to help acclimate yourself to the extra hours of the day. This is also a good exercise for you or your spouse or both to improve your communication and understanding of each other. It can also just be plain fun and can help the two of you avoid arguments based on misunderstanding and bad feelings.
So here we go with our first marriage exercise of the day. We call this one, Sherlock Holmes and here’s how it works:
You need to think like the detective and your job is not to get your point across or to communicate your feelings. Instead, it’s your job to understand your spouse’s motivation and their side of things. You need to divorce yourself of your personal feelings for a short period of time and ask your spouse to explain things to you as though you were as third party. He or she can change the names if it makes it easier for you to cope with. It’s important in this exercise that you both stick to just the facts, it’s not about name-calling or blaming.
Do your best to listen to the person talk and gather information from their story. Do not react to what they are saying whether you think they are misunderstanding you or not. The important part is to actually hear what they are saying. Ask yourself the following questions as you gather the details:
- Does he or she seem to be experiencing some specific emotions?
- Can you see why he or she may feel that way?
- Can you identify any area where you agree with them?
- Are there areas of his or her complaint or story where you discover a fact that you may never have recognized before?
- Do these new facts give you a new viewpoint or sway your opinion in some way?
Have you ever tried this when you and your spouse were having a disagreement?
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