I love that phrase: assume good intentions. I have loved it for years. I heard it for the first time from my husband in the few months after we first met. You can say that at the time, I was something of a cynic. I suppose I still am, yet because of this one phrase, I’m a great deal more optimistic than I used to be. But let’s think about the phrase: assume good intentions.
What does it mean?
When you assume good intentions, you don’t automatically presume that someone forgot something because they just didn’t care enough about it or you to remember it. When you assume good intentions, you don’t presume that your spouse is angry with you because they are in a bad mood. When you assume good intentions, you don’t think they are slighting you when they say no.
When you assume good intentions, you give your spouse, your loved ones and the world at large, the benefit of the doubt. Assuming good intentions means you accentuate the positive and while you may not be able to eliminate the negative completely – you don’t assume the negative immediately. You weigh and you measure and you listen and you give the benefit of doubt to what you care about and to whom you care about.
Easier Said Than Done
As much as I love the phrase, I’m the first one to admit that it’s far harder to promise good intentions and to assume good intentions than it sounds. I get my feelings hurt. I get angry – and honestly, my worst flaw when it comes to communication with my husband is to not always let him finish his sentences. I assume I know what he’s going to say next and I respond to what he hasn’t said than to what he has.
I’ve spent years working on it. He’s spent years developing a beautiful tolerance for it and reminding me to wait and to listen when I start to jump. He embraces assuming good intentions a lot better than I – he assumes that I’m not just trying to run him over – I’m just a little too quick to debate – still we manage.
I think by assuming good intentions, I’ve become a better person and though I am far from perfect and far from the best person – I’m certainly a better person. By assuming good intentions, I’ve managed to repair relationships over the years that I didn’t think could be repaired – so let me ask you this – do you assume good intentions?
Related Articles:
Marriage Communication: Talking Tips
Relationship Dynamics: Enhancing Your Listening Skills