Doofy Husbands

Have you ever heard of doofy husbands?  They’re the guys in commercials who are always incapable of doing anything around the house.  They try to do the laundry, clean a room, or cook a meal, always to hilarious failure.  Their long-suffering wives come into the room and shake their heads, then proceed to use whatever product is being shilled to accomplish the task with ease. The concept of doofy husbands is problematic for a couple reasons: it doesn’t give men enough credit, and it perpetuates the idea that men aren’t good at performing many household, traditionally feminine tasks.  It implies … Continue reading

Opposite Sex Friendships: Playing with Fire

I’ll warn you ahead of time.  You may not agree with anything I have to say in this blog.  In fact, you might think I’m living in the dark ages…but that’s okay. The issue I’m talking about today is friendships with the opposite sex.  But please understand ahead of time that I am coming at this from the angle of seeing the destruction it almost cost my marriage and the fact I have been married for 21 ½ years. My opinion is that having a friendship with someone of the opposite sex is playing with fire.  Think about how many … Continue reading

The Sweet (and Not So Sweet) Origins of the Honeymoon

There’s one wedding tradition that doesn’t seem like it should need much explanation: the honeymoon.  Unlike some of our other wedding traditions, which seem to happen because it feels like that’s the way it’s always been, the purpose of the honeymoon appears to make sense.  It gives the new couple some time alone together, away from the world.  That, more so than a wedding ceremony itself, seems like the perfect celebration of the start of a marriage. But just like the wedding dress, despite the fact that there seems to be an obvious explanation for the honeymoon, its origins are … Continue reading

Hearing versus Listening

I always thought I was a good listener when it comes to my husband.  In fact, I would even say that I offer some pretty great advice.  But listening and hearing are two completely different things. For months and months I was hearing my husband complain about the medical bills.  We, like many others, don’t have the best health insurance.  It seems every time we’ve finally started to make a dent, something else comes up and a trip to the doctor sets us back. Then my husband started to get depressed about the medical bills.  I felt bad for him … Continue reading

Are There Such Things as Wifely Duties?

Yesterday a volunteering friend used the phrase “wifely duties.”  She did so somewhat in jest, but the phrase stuck with me.  I certainly think that I have duties to Jonathan, but I shudder at calling them wifely duties.  I don’t think these duties have anything to do with me being his wife, or rather, have anything to do with the fact that I’m the woman in the relationship. I’d like the phrases “spousal duties” or “partnerly duties,” better (if the latter was a real word).  I have certain duties to Jonathan because I am married to him, but gender roles … Continue reading

Me Focused

A marriage needs to be nurtured.  It requires sacrifice, giving and selflessness.  But it can’t always be “other focused.” You see, if all of your efforts go into pleasing your spouse, its going to cause burnout or possibly bitterness.  This means that just as important as it is to take care of your spouse and your marriage, you need to take care of yourself. A failure to take care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually won’t make you a better marriage partner.  You are more likely to struggle with fatigue, depression, irritability and lots of other not-so-pleasant qualities that can … Continue reading

When Is It Emotional Cheating?

Last time I wrote about the importance of our friends, how they’re still so necessary even when we’re married.  I said that we can get some things from our friends that we can’t from our spouses.  That can be anything from goofy times, to a chance to talk about our relationship/our spouse (not bad mouth, but just to talk), to even filling some emotional needs. Now, I realize that this could be a dangerous line.  Emotional cheating is very real, and it’s not something to be taken lightly.  So today I wanted to point out the difference between having some … Continue reading

Good Habits to Develop

In my last marriage blog, I talked about bad habits we should break.  Today we are going to consider some good habits to develop. The first is encouragement.  It seems the longer a couple is married, the less often this happens. In most cases it’s probably a result of just living life and not really thinking about the importance of offering encouragement.  We are busy working, taking care of the family, running a household, and taking on many other responsibilities. But taking time each and everyday to encourage your spouse is a good habit to develop.  It can be something … Continue reading

Bad Habits to Break

We all have habits; some are good and some not so much.  Many of these habits are ones we’ve developed in our marriage, which means that some need to be broken and others need to be developed. Let’s consider some bad habits that can creep up in a marriage.  The first is criticizing.  Isn’t it funny how the things you once found endearing have suddenly become an annoyance?  Or ever notice how after being married for an extended length of time, you only notice the negative qualities in your spouse? Both of these can cause a critical spirit to rise … Continue reading

Finding Support from Your Friends

We’ve talked extensively about how important it is that we keep friends outside of our marriage.  And that doesn’t mean that we have friends who can’t also be friends with our spouses.  It just means that we look for emotional connections with more people than just our spouses.  I know it’s very true for me; my two best friends give me things my husband never could, and not just things like watching the six-hour BBC “Pride and Prejudice.” It’s a real romantic notion – both in the love and in the story sense of the word – that our spouses … Continue reading