Those who have been through marriage preparation classes could perhaps be better prepared for the reality of marriage. They’re a good idea but they still don’t have all the answers.
Basically we can discuss issues before we are married. Mick and I did. We talked about children, money, other family members, religion and anything else that came to mind and that’s great. But sometimes those held views change over time and we need to rethink. That’s when we need to make sure the lines of communication stay open.
Good, lasting marriages don’t just happen. Like gardens they need time to grow and they don’t take care of themselves. You need to put work into keeping it healthy.
Marriage needs give and take on both sides. It takes time to get used to each others quirks and habits. Sometimes these are glossed over or not noticed in the early stages of romance. In the nitty gritty of day to day life, they soon show up. It is not surprising that it is often our marriage partner or our families who cop the worst of or behavior, because they are the one with whom we let down our guard- the ones who know us best.
In a recent young adult novel I reviewed for Viewpoint magazine the character says at one point when she realizes she has been hard to get along with, ‘Maybe because sometimes a girl just needs to snap at someone who she knows will forgive her later.’ It’s the same with families and especially with a marriage partner. We know they will forgive us. Hopefully they see the best of us as well as the worst.
Basically we find out about marriage and what it means to be married as we go along. It’s not enough to be, ‘in love’ though it certainly helps. We also need a firm foundation of friendship, respect, give and take, commitment to each other, shared interests, patience, and a realistic rather than an idealised view of the other person.
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