The story of the birth mother of our five adopted sons may prepare those of you who want to adopt children out of a state foster system for what could be ahead for you. Lola, not her real name, was born to an abusive mother herself. She was adopted at three years old. I do not know much of her early history although many of the professionals who have examined her think that she has fetal alcohol syndrome, which is very serious.
By age fifteen, she had run away from her adoptive home, never to return. She has been living on the street ever since. By the age of twenty-nine, Lola had given birth to seven children. The first two children had already been taken into the state foster system when we came on the scene.
Our first foster child was Lola’s sixth in eight years. We had to take him to visit Lola twice a month, which is how we met the other three brothers. Within a few months, all four boys were living with us.
When we would visit her, she was always disheveled, barely dressed on occasion. The years of drug abuse and wild living had taken all but a few of her teeth. Frequently, she was so high that she had trouble walking. She never managed to stay for the entire visit. She would always get upset about something and rush away.
Lola had no child-care skills. She could barely change a diaper. She would say weird things to the kids and get angry with them very easily. On one occasion, the baby started crying when she held him and she started saying things like, “You’re a stupid baby.”
Another child was born and we also were able to have him in our home. Today, all five are our adopted children.
I have mixed emotions about Lola. She spent a significant amount of time in her life carrying our sons in her womb. But, we constantly deal with the damage that she inflicted on them. We wish her well but we are glad that she is out of our family’s life.
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