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Anger and Sexual Abuse (1)

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In The Guilt of Sexual Abuse we looked at the issue of guilt and how it is such a common phenomena as to be almost expected after an incident of sexual assault. Today we will look at the anger associated with this insidious crime. Anger and guilt are the flip sides of the coin of sexual abuse. They are the daily currency for many victims of sexual crimes. But while guilt often appears soon after the abusive incident, anger can take much longer to come to the surface. Guilt, that is, taking responsibility for the abuse upon yourself rather than … Continue reading →

When An Apology Is Not An Apology (2)

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Have you ever had an apology from someone who says they are sorry and then proceeds to tell you all the reasons why it wasn’t their fault? And does this qualify as an apology? Most people don’t feel quite satisfied after hearing the words “I’m sorry” followed by a list of excuses proclaiming the person’s innocence. In When An Apology Is Not An Apology (1), we looked at the case of Paul and his sister-in-law, Elise. As a lawyer, Paul had volunteered to find out for Elise the exact nature of the crimes that had occurred during her sexual assault. … Continue reading →

Teach Your Kids How To Talk To Strangers

As parents we spend time talking to our kids about not talking to strangers. We also talk to our kids about what to do if they get separated from us while we are out in public. Most of us tell them that they are to approach someone and ask for help. Many of us tell them to approach a woman since women are more likely to become emotionally invested in helping your child and are less likely to be sexual predators. Unfortunately some kids may be unable to approach a stranger and ask for help when they need it most. … Continue reading →

Tips to Help Your Child re-Handle a Violent Conflict

Nonviolent Conflict Solving is necessary if we choose to instill peaceful values into our children. Given the degree of anger and violence in society, children may need to know, as early as possible, how to handle disagreements with each other without letting their anger get out of control, and without using violence. As they develop physically and cognitively, children can be helped to use the conflict-solving methods that worked for them in their early childhood days to problem solve around the more complicated problems that appear in adolescence. We’re not violent so why should we teach this to our children? … Continue reading →

The NET worth of a sexual predator.

Sexual predators defraud where ever and when ever they can. Like trolls prettied up as princes, they permeate every part of society and pick their targets from where ever they can access them: including the internet. They know no class or gender bounds; they instead pick anyone who falls for their fraudulent and cowardly manipulation. Their net casts over us all, yes, even those members on families.com. Be careful, be warned, be vigilant of whom you share personal information with. I have already had a dubious contact through families.com. It was dealt with, the person banned immediately, and there has … Continue reading →

When Bad Things Happen Again and Again.

It is not uncommon for a woman or child to reveal that many different perpetrators have sexually abused them throughout their life. There are neuropsychological and cognitive theories to explain why this happens. This does not mean that these theories are correct; it is just a way to help us understand how it is possible for one good person to attract so many bad things. What really gets me angered is when I hear people comment that the child or woman must be lying; that it is impossible for anybody to be sexually abused that many times. It is possible, … Continue reading →

The Myths and Facts About Incest and Child Sexual Assault

October is Sexual Violence Awareness Month in Queensland, Australia. The theme of the month is “Stop Incest”. Before incest can be eradicated, we all need to have an understanding of the pervasive myths that prevent us from acknowledging the seriousness of this horrific crime that is perpetrated by family members or close family friends. MYTH – Children lie about incest. FACT– Both research and the experiences of those who work with sexually abused children have shown that children very rarely lie about incest. Statistics show that in 98% of cases children’s statements are found to be true (Dympna House Editorial/Writers … Continue reading →

Sexual Violence Awareness Month.

October means many things to different people, Fall, Halloween, Christmas shopping time, just to name a few. October in our house means that it is Sexual Violence Awareness Month – a busy month for me that ends with the International Reclaim the Night march on October 27. Each year, October’s awareness raising focuses on a particular aspect of sexual violence. This year the focus is “Stop incest.” I hear this message loud and clear. Turnaround defines incest as: Any overtly sexual act between people who are closely related or who perceive themselves as being closely related (as in relationship between … Continue reading →

What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? The Three to Five-Year-Olds.

The introduction to Age Appropriate Sexual Development can be viewed here. The pre-school child now has increased vocabulary and contact with a larger number of people. The children remain curious about their own bodies and the bodies of others. They are becoming acutely aware, and interested, of the difference between a boy body and a girl body and will typically start asking questions like, “Why does Daddy have a penis?” Their increased social contacts may bring them into contact with other Moms who are pregnant, or indeed, there may even be pregnancy in their own home. The questions continue: “Where … Continue reading →

What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? Introduction.

A child of four inserts a pair of scissors into her bottom. A child of eight attempts to put his penis into his little sister’s vagina. Is this acceptable behavior? No. Is it developmentally normal? No. These are indicators of something being wrong and worthy of concern. What is developmentally normal though? It can be so confusing and scary when a parent catches their children engaged in sex play. Usually the parents first reaction is shock, followed quickly by anger, and then concern, both for their own perception of perhaps being a bad parent and then for their child: “Am … Continue reading →