My mom taught how to be a “good guest” when I was very young. It stuck with me, so I’ll share a few of her tips here that I’m passing along to my kids.
One rule was not to arrive empty-handed when invited somewhere. A thoughtful host/hostess gift is always a nice touch. She also taught me that it is most polite to RSVP with plenty of notice and at the time to ask the host or hostess what I might bring. Many times, people will say, “Oh, that’s all right; you don’t need to bring a thing.” Some are sincere; some just need a little more encouragement before admitting they could use a little help.
It’s generally good form to close the conversation by asking once more if anything is needed or by suggesting something you’d like to bring. Another option is to offer to arrive a bit early to lend a hand.
If the host insists that none of the above is necessary, simply let the person know that he or she should call you just before the party if anything comes to mind. Try to arrive in a timely manner. You may also want to offer to greet other guests as they arrive.
It’s also nice to lend a hand when food is being served, or to offer beverages to those that may not be as friendly with the host as you are, while your host attends to other matters. Offering to help clean up will frequently be met with a polite, “No thanks,” but it is still proper to offer.
Remember too that well-intended gestures should be casual and you shouldn’t be offended if they are declined. Some people simply are not comfortable with someone else working in their kitchens. Try not to take it personally.
Most of all, enjoy yourself as much as possible so your host knows the party was a success, and be sure to thank him or her for the event as you leave.