“Jane’s such an airhead, it’s a wonder she doesn’t float away completely!”
“Did you hear what Bob over in engineering did the other day? He was so busy figuring up his gas mileage, he ran out of gas!”
“Like Shirley really deserved that raise! Like she’s so hard-working! The only thing she ever worked hard for around here is making the most of her coffee breaks!”
“What a moron Joe down in the garage is! The only way he’s gonna move up in the world is to climb on top of a car!”
The stand-up comic is just that – only the butt of his jokes is always you. You are his perpetual straight man. He doesn’t laugh with you, he laughs at you. Through sarcasm and exaggeration, he beats down your self-image.
Very similar to the put-down artist, the stand-up comic uses twisted humor. It’s not enough to insult you; the insult must be witty. Where the put-down artist makes use of a club, the stand-up comic uses a whoopee cushion. The jokes are often in public where his or her humor encourages others to participate in your abuse. After all, its just a joke, and the stand-up comic is very clever at finding what is considered funny in any given situation.
Everyone seems to be laughing, so how come you don’t think it’s funny? Because the humor is being gained at your expense. The humiliation you feel is the fuel for the sarcasm and jokes. Your shame energizes your abuser.
This kind of abuse provides the abuser a way out, an instant excuse for any injury caused. After all, if you are the only one who isn’t laughing, there must be something wrong with you. Everyone else seems to be able to take a joke, so why can’t you? Furthermore, this type of abuse can leave a deep sense of outrage at being used for another person’s pleasure. The abuser gets all the laughs, and you are left to feel humiliated. Often the only defense against this type of abuse is to become a clown yourself, beating your abuser to the punch by beating up on yourself. Better to be the class clown than the verbal punching bag.
While it is important to a healthy self-image to be able to laugh at yourself and your foibles, it is not healthy to allow yourself to be used as the punch line for other people’s jokes. There is nothing funny about the way that kind of abuse makes you feel.
The above is excerpted from chapter 4 in Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Dr. Gregory Jantz.