We are a results-oriented society—read the morning newspaper and you’ll see dozens of stories where the end definitely seems to justify the means and we tend to reward people based on what they “achieve,” not the process and efforts along the way. As parents, however, too much focus on results can create a lot of stress and pressure for our kids and they may actually be afraid to try and struggle if they feel they will never get to the “reward.”
I think parents can have a great deal of influence on raising kids who are NOT afraid of failure or taking calculated risks, simply by putting the shift of recognition onto effort instead of results. We can encourage our children to try new things, work at tasks and skills that are difficult or do not come easily, and admire it when they show and ability to stick to things and stay focused. You might be surprised how often the world rewards “winners” and end results (grades, final scores, etc.) and ignores the hard work and process it took to get there. It really is no wonder that we often forget that life is about the journey, not about actually “getting there.”
Kids get the message loud and clear, and it takes some solid parental influence to put the focus and shift back onto effort. Positive words of encouragement, acknowledgement of effort, and finding ways to celebrate and support the process instead of the end results are all ways that parents can help to reward effort. It doesn’t always have to be about mastery. Children can learn how to stay with something and work at it—even when no one is watching and there is no reward or recognition on the horizon—but it takes some retraining on the part of parents and families.
See Also: If We Want Our Children to Have Character Traits–We Have to Have Them First
Are Parents Important Life Lessons Sinking In?
Wisdom is Learned Through Experience