I like to think of myself as a generally positive and optimistic person, but sometimes, when I sit back and listen to myself talk, I realize how much negativity I let creep into my comments. When it comes to how we talk to and with our children, resisting the urge to say something with a negative slant can make us better and more positive parents (and it might just change the way our children speak and act too.)
Sarcasm, aggravation, annoyance–all of those creep into my tone and speech, often without my even realizing it. While I may feel basically happy and not even really be that annoyed or aggravated, why is it that the things I choose to say or do can carry such a negative weight? Change needs to be conscious, but it can be tough. If you catch yourself being more negative than you would like to, try seeing if you cannot put a more positive spin on things:
Instead of “I wish you wouldn’t leave your shoes in the hallway,” which does not really sound THAT negative to the average person, by the way, consider: “Please put your shoes by the back door or in your room please.” A simple changing of the words can come across much more positively and even though your child might not notice the difference, the lack of negativity will be conveyed.
Everything we say and do as parents around our children can convey negativity or positiveness: complaining about the weather or gossiping about a neighbor; saying something judgmental about someone on TV or being disrespectful to another family member–all of these seemingly ordinary life occurrences can send a negative message (and make us feel a bit on the grouch side as well.) Instead of catching yourself saying something negative, try turning it around into a more positive statement instead.
Also: Dealing with Negative People
When Your Kids Thrives on Negative Attention