You see it on the soaps all the time. One spouse discovers that the other has been unfaithful and to get even with them, they sleep with someone else. Those feelings of hurt, betrayal and anger are not assuaged by an affair, but the other partner does it anyway. The problem with an affair is that in addition to the pain and emotional devastation there are already one person too many in the marriage. When one part of the couple retaliates with an affair of their own, you bring in layers of complexity that can not only devastate the marriage, but also cripple the partner involved.
Train Wreck
When someone hits your car, do you rush out to hit someone else? That’s what a retaliatory affair can be like not only for the married partners involved but the person drawn into this emotional black hole. They can feel used of and taken advantage. If your goal is just to use someone, what does that say about you as a person? Now, in addition to feeling upset and in pain and angry, you can add layers of regret and guilt.
The retaliation affair can widen the gulf in your marriage into an ocean. The compensatory guilt you are experiencing may cause the two of you to avoid really facing the problems that exist in the marriage. When one partner decides to have an affair, they may not make the decision all at once and they may be looking for something they are not getting in the marriage. If their spouse has a retaliatory affair, those problems can become forgotten in the upheaval – collateral damage of the mistakes of not just one partner but also both.
The One Night Stand Escape
The escape to a one-night stand might provide some emotional succor or a port in the storm briefly, but the heartache doesn’t just evaporate. The point is, you can’t escape your own pain, it follows you wherever you go and the consequences of an affair whether it lasts for weeks or just one night will bring you nothing but misery and heartache.
People make mistakes – people in marriage make mistakes too. Affairs hurt everyone involved and no matter how much you may want to ‘get even’ – getting even won’t make the pain better, it won’t make you feel better and it won’t solve the problems in your marriage – it just makes everything worse.
Related Articles:
What if Your Spouse’s Affair Made the News?
Marriage In The News: Jilted Bride Makes Lemonade from Lemons
The 5 Most Incompatible Relationship Types