Stealing and Jealousy are two behaviors many parents find the most difficult to understand. Adoptive parents who can step back and think about the reasons a child has developed these kinds of behaviors may be able to help their children overcome stealing and jealousy needs.
Some children with attachment disorders steal for no apparent reason other than instant gratification. The stolen object provides a brief period of satisfaction and the child may have no consideration for the feelings of the victim. The concern has nothing to do with anyone that may be hurt–the concern is about having something to fill the need.
Parenting a child who steals will require the establishment very clear rules in the area of personal property. Parents will need to have consistent expectations and consequences. A child will have to learn to feel a gratifying relationship and empathy before they can overcome this self-medicating behavior. Parents have to stand strong on this subject and follow through with consequences every time.
A jealous child is usually a very needy child. Always concerned that someone else will get the one thing they need most to survive another day. Watching someone else receive what he or she perceives they need the most only confirms to the child what they don’t have. Everything anyone else has is more then the child has. Everything everyone else has is the most important thing to the needy child.
Parents have to help teach a jealous child that being fair doesn’t always mean everyone gets exactly the same things, at same time. When parents notice that a child is envious of something, someone else received the best course of action it to confront the issue head on. In a friendly way say, “Boy little brother sure did need new socks! When you need new socks, I will get them for you. I know how to take care of children.”
You may think socks seems like a silly example of something a child might be jealous over, but the fact is a needy and jealous child will have reason to feel this way regardless of what the item is. And a child who has a need to steal may just take the very socks when no one is looking.
Some of the side effect behaviors seen in children with attachment disorders are:
- Side Effects of Attachment Disorders Series Introduction.
- Opposition.
- Control.
- Conscience Development.
- Thinking errors.
- Anger and Rage.
- Feeling.
- Requesting and Meeting the Requests.
- Decision-Making
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.
Photo credit for this blog entry: 
(no use restrictions for this photo)