You may be asking yourself, “What does speaking your wife’s language have to do with being a good father?” I remain convinced (for those who are married) that you have to be a good husband first before you can be a good father.
Dr. Gary Chapman has written a book entitled, The Five Love Languages. In his book Dr. Chapman lists the five “languages” as
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
I had the privilege of hearing one of Dr. Chapman’s messages at our church back in the 1990’s when he spoke on” love languages.” Speaking our wife’s love language is one of the most important things he said we can do to keep our marriage strong when we don’t feel “the tingles” anymore.
You know, the TINGLES. It was that feeling you had when you first started dating and you couldn’t wait to be with your sweetheart again anytime you were apart. You felt “in love.” You used to go to elaborate measures to win your sweetheart’s affection. You used to write her corny poetry, and sing her love songs that would get you booted off “American Idol.” You used to bring her flowers, buy her “mushy” cards, and take her on picnics in the park.
The key phrase here is used to. You don’t do the things you did at first. No wonder you don’t feel in love anymore. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that most men are in the physical touch category when it comes to speaking a man’s language. If you found out what your wife really appreciates the most – her love language – you could reconnect and feel those TINGLES all over again.
You may be thinking that you already do a lot for your wife and kids (kids also have their own love languages). You’re the provider and buy them a lot of nice stuff. That’s great. But, your wife and kids may have a different love language. You need to find out what it is. They probably appreciate what you do (acts of service), but let’s say their primary love language may be spending quality time with them. So, just focus more on spending time together with them instead of working to buy stuff for them.
Many people have more than one love language. They might still need kind words of affirmation and encouragement in addition to receiving gifts, and spending quality time together. Don’t neglect other aspects of the relationship. Men can really have tunnel vision when it come s to relationships. It is important to remember to stay in touch with the “emotional pulse” of both your spouse and your kids. Talk with them in the morning. Call them, email them, or text them at lunch time. If you do stay in touch, you’re less likely to endure a blowup at home that you have no idea what it is about.
Related Articles:
Love Language and How it Can Help Your Marriage