Tag Archives: adoptee

Adoption Day

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We had been fostering our children with the intent to adopt them for eighteen months. We had satisfied every requirement of the state adoption system. It was much harder than it should have been. It was finally time to go to court to finalize. I am a retired lawyer and I know what a crowded courtroom can look like, but this was unbelievable. The week before had been Thanksgiving week, meaning that there were three days worth of matters before the juvenile court on this day. There were a number of nurses present to testify, which usually signifies that there … Continue reading →

11 Things Some Adoptive Parents Would Like Birth Family by State Adoption to Know

Below is a list of things that some parents by adoption, as well as I have come up with and wish for our children’s birth parents and birth family to know: I love my children no differently than I would if I’d given birth to them myself. We have vowed to give our children the best we can possibly provide. We value many special characteristics that are a result of genetics and not by anything we could have given our children. We will not paint you in a bad light to our children. Having not been a birthparent, I can’t … Continue reading →

Ignorant Comments

Until my husband and I adopted, neither of us had given much thought about political correctness in reference to adoption. Prior to our adoptions, I made the same kinds of comments that I now hear from others. Some of these comments include” “You mean they aren’t yours?” “Where is their real mom?” “Are they real brothers?” “My (so-and-so) couldn’t have children of their own either.” There are a couple different ways of handling these cases. You can choose to be offended, or you can recognize that the person really doesn’t understand, and be the one to educate them. The day … Continue reading →

An Adoptee Searching In The United States

After some serious thought and a few readers questions on the whole search aspect of adoption, I decided I should clarify some points on my own personal journey. First, my adoption from pregnancy until finalization was all completed in the United States. I have very little experience in International adoption and although I have plenty of resources available for someone searching outside the United States, I do not have the personal knowledge to write about it on a regular basis. I am working with a friend one mine who was adopted internationally, and will hopefully provide some articles on how … Continue reading →

Belonging, Identity and ‘The’ Reason Why: How I Decided Not to Search for My Birth Parents (cont’d.

Perhaps I’m a naturally “uncurious” person. But since I belong to my parents, I can’t imagine going to look for another mother, or what place this person could possibly hold in my life. Of course I realize a birth mother wouldn’t be “another mother”, and yet how do you define a relationship with someone who has given you life biologically, and at the same time given you nothing of the life you know now. I have never felt the need to look for this person to help define who I am. My identity, I feel, is largely formed in how … Continue reading →

The Reunion – Someone Like Me

I have spent my entire life wishing there was someone like me. I knew at a young age I was different. I cannot explain in every way how I was different, but I knew I was. All I wanted was someone else who could understand me, because my family certainly didn’t. I wasn’t like them at all. Mom and I in November 2003 And from the instant we laid eyes on each other, I knew that this someone I had been wishing and searching for, was finally here. My birth mother is probably more like me than anyone else in … Continue reading →

The Reunion – A Mother Finally Holds Her Baby Girl

When our eyes locked, it was amazing. It was like an electric energy was coursing through me, and I realized that I was honestly looking at the person who gave me life. If it wasn’t for her, I would not be here today. The thirty or forty feet we had to walk across the baggage claim area, to get to each other seemed like an eternity. While in reality it was only seconds. And just like in the movies, when she got to me everything she was carrying hit the floor and I rushed into her arms and she held … Continue reading →

The Reunion of Mother and Child: How It Began

I shared my search story, and I know I left a lot out. It was a long process, and one I wish to never repeat. The emotions associated with a search are incredible, and not necessarily in a good way. However, there did come a time, when the search was over, that I began to wonder about a possible face-to-face reunion. It was strange, but surreal. I was happy just having contact via letters and emails and the occasional phone call. But after time, I needed more. The phone calls began coming more and more frequently to where my birth … Continue reading →

Roses and Peaches….Not Really

Sometimes when people look at my search and subsequent reunion, they think that everything was all roses and peaches and that life is perfect. And while to some, it may look that way now, it wasn’t always that way. Even after that initial letter I received from my biological mother, things weren’t always peaches and roses. In fact, we would stay in contact via letters and then not talk for months. It was hard to establish a relationship and connect when we both were so busy with our own lives. We lived hundreds upon hundreds of miles apart, and we’d … Continue reading →

Adoption Poetry: Not All Roses and Peaches!

It wasn’t all roses and peaches. It wasn’t all happy and joyful. The search for my biological mother was painful, grueling and time consuming. I would never say it wasn’t worth every moment, but it was still all those things and more. During a point in my search when I found that my biological mother did not want contact, I wrote this piece of poetry. I am choosing to share it because of the comments and messages I have received in regards to my search being peaches and roses and needing to recognize that they aren’t all that way. I … Continue reading →