Tag Archives: behavior modification

Subliminal Communication 101: How to Manipulate Mates and Influence Lovers

In addition to September’s designation as Pleasure Your Mate Month, it’s also Subliminal Communications Month. “What does that have to do with marriage?” you may be wondering. Manipulation, pure and simple. Ah, but before you go judging and thinking manipulation is a bad thing, wait. Sure, manipulation has been put to many a dark use, but it is not inherently evil. Quite the contrary. Why I Use It Wayne would tell you I’ve almost mastered the fine art of manipulation. I will admit he’s right. I’ve had a good apprenticeship, though. It started in college, as part of my major … Continue reading →

Stopping Unwanted Behavior by Setting the Alarm

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KISS- Keep It Simple Sweetie. I’m sure you’ve heard this before but when it comes to raising our kids this adage rings true. I’m not sure what prompted me to do this but the last few weeks I have started setting the alarm on my cellphone as a signal to Tyler that I will no longer tolerate any more whining from him after the alarm sounds. Whining is one behavior that seems to be getting out of hand. What surprised me about setting the alarm is that it has worked well. A simple idea but very effective. Here’s how I … Continue reading →

Selective Silence: Sometimes Less Works Best

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Sometimes, silence truly is golden. When you’re dealing with an argumentative child, many times it’s best to simply bite your tongue and not say a word. I call it “selective silence”. Sort of like, “I’m not deaf, I’m just ignoring you.” I had to use this technique this morning with Tyler. The issue was over what snacks he wanted to take to school for snack time. First, he asked for money to buy snacks but I reminded him that he had not earned snack money vis-à-vis the tantrum thrown last night at bedtime. I gave him his snack box and … Continue reading →

Now or Later?

If you have kids who procrastinate, here’s a technique that might help. It’s called The Now or Later Technique. Dr. Jerry Day describes it and like his behavior shaping technique mentioned in a previous blog, this is one of those techniques that you shouldn’t try unless you can see it through to the end. There’s a good chance you will be inconvenienced initially but if you are persistent, you probably won’t have to do it again. Let’s look at a child who procrastinates when it comes to cleaning his room. The first step is to give your child a directive, … Continue reading →

Extreme Behavior Shaping

In my last blog, I talked about a behavior shaping technique called the 30-Second Technique as described by Dr. Jerry Day. In most cases, your child will comply by the time the sixth item has been taken away. Most will comply even earlier. However, just in case this method does not work you will have to continue removing items until you “clean the child out and empty the room.” Day says that in forty years of practice he knows of only two cases where parents had to go to this extreme. After you remove all of the child’s toys and … Continue reading →

Behavior Shaping

Getting our kids to comply with even simple requests can sometimes be a daily struggle. Fortunately there are many techniques available to help parents in their struggles. One such technique is a behavior shaping method known as the 30-Second Technique described by Dr. Jerry Day. It’s a twist on the “count to three” method that many parents use, but as Day points out, some parents don’t think ahead to what they will do once they reach three. Here’s a brief highlight of how the method works. (1) Take an inventory of items in your child’s room and rank them from … Continue reading →

9 Steps To Stop Bad Behavior

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Can you change your child’s behavior in just nine simple steps? Michele Borba, Ed.D, author of, 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know, thinks so. Here’s what she suggests: (1) Set Rules- Think about what rules you want to institute, remembering to let go of little annoyances and picking your battles. Then write down your rules and explain in clear language what you expect from your kids. As your kids age, you will probably have to adjust some of the rules. (2) Work on eliminating one bad behavior at a time- Although your kids may have several behaviors that are driving … Continue reading →

How To: Use Consequences To Change Behavior

One problem we parents have is that we sometimes try to change our children’s behavior through screaming, yelling, nagging, punishing and other techniques that simply don’t work. A better way to change many behaviors is through the use of consequences. Consequences are generally logical or natural. A logical consequence is one that happens as a result of human intervention. If you speed and a policeman stops and gives you a ticket, then that’s a logical consequence of breaking the law. If your child does not do is science fair project, then his teacher will give him a failing grade. That’s … Continue reading →

Rehearsing Appropriate Behavior

Here’s a great way to teach your child appropriate behavior; you rehearse it. It’s a really easy technique to follow but it will have your misbehaving child behaving appropriately in no time. You can read more about it in Ray Levy and Bill O’Hanlon’s book, Try and Make Me! The book is a resource for parents with “defiant” kids but many of the techniques can be adapted for non-defiant kids. There are four steps to this technique: (1) Decide on a behavior you want to change. Then tell your child that, based on the way he’s behaving, you think he … Continue reading →

Final Week: 8 Weeks To A Well-behaved Child

Welcome to the final week of 8 Weeks To A Well-behaved Child. I know you are probably still recovering from Christmas (I know I am!) but we’re going to try and move on. Last week we talked about removing rewards and privileges to eliminate serious misbehaviors. We learned that this method is an alternative to time-out and generally grows more important as the child ages. For homework, we were supposed to decide which behaviors would be punished using this method. And to also decide, in advance, which privileges would be removed. How did you do? I actually did better than … Continue reading →