Tag Archives: fighting

Do You Fight in Front of Your Kids?

How often do you quarrel in front of your children? If you follow old-school parental advice your answer would be: Never. But, this is the 21st century and these days child psychologists are singing a different tune when it comes to arguing in front of your kids. According to a new study, most children won’t experience serious psychological harm if they witness their parents fighting. In fact, the study, which was recently published in the Journal of Child Psychiatry and Psychology, suggests that children might actually benefit from watching their parents resolve problems. The reason, according to experts: Conflict happens … Continue reading →

Don’t Fight Fire with Fire

The argument starts innocently enough. One of you may have had a bad day or a bad morning and is grumbling about something. The other person walks into the room and becomes an immediate target. “Why can’t you ever remember to do such and such?!?” The other person on the defensive immediately snaps back, “Well, at least I’m not always doing this, that and the other thing!” The next instant you know, you are in a full-blown argument with issues being dragged up from every direction and point in time. This resulting argument is now blown so out of proportion … Continue reading →

“Right Fighters” = Marriage Saboteurs

Yesterday I talked about how, among other things, the season for fighting is upon us. I also ended the article saying I’d examine some ways to fight fairly to ensure any fights you might have this holiday season are good ones, not just big ones –or, more importantly, rehashed ones. I’m actually going to start off by telling you a way not to fight. It has to do with the following quote and an article I wrote several months back about “Right Fighters”, a term I picked up from Dr. Phil. Attachment to being right creates suffering. When you have … Continue reading →

‘Tis the Season for Fighting

While Hallmark and Kay Jewelers commercials may try and lead us to believe this is a season of receiving romantic gifts and creating peaceful memories, anyone involved in a real-life relationship knows this can be a season for anything but blissful moments. The holidays add stress. There are extra errands to run, gifts to buy, parties to attend, and schedules to shuffle. Yes, amidst the chaos there are happy times or else no one would sign up for the seasonal celebrations year after year, but there’s also the potential for plenty of chaos and short fuses –and I don’t just … Continue reading →

“Right Fighters”

I don’t get the chance to watch Dr. Phil very often, but a while back I happened to catch part of one of his shows. As he does so often, he was trying to help a couple understand why they fight so much. In this case it was because one of the spouses (I forget if it was the husband or wife) was what he calls a “right fighter.” What a Right Fighter Is Right fighters only care about being right. Whatever the argument is, as long as they’re right (or think they’re right), they’ll keep the argument going until … Continue reading →

Your Feelings Influence Your Fights

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In the last article I discussed how much of the fighting that takes place between two mates occurs due to control issues. In many cases, the situation that the couples are discussing or arguing over is only the lead to an issue over who can control who. In other cases, couples are not fighting over control but over feelings. Through communication, we constantly give signals of how we feel. Some of those signals are verbal and some are nonverbal. We communicate through our posture, facial expressions, eye contact, facial expressions, touch, and words. Through these signals we can give off … Continue reading →

Is Your Argument over Control?

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One aspect of a relationship that many couples struggle with is power. Whenever a couple becomes engaged in an argument it often goes deeper than the issue at hand. Rather than fighting over the incident that occurred, many couples are actually fighting over who has more control or power in the relationship. Many partners like to know that they can have influence over their mate’s actions and thoughts. Women like to feel that they have say in their men’s habits and actions, especially when it comes to going out with friends or staying out after work. Men like to think … Continue reading →

Should Others Have to Endure Our Kids’ Fighting?

Recently, someone told me that she couldn’t understand why her in-laws were so short-tempered with her arguing offspring. While I could understand why this mom had her feelings hurt and felt as though both she and her children were being judged, I could also see the grandparents’ point of view—they wanted to enjoy their grand kids and didn’t want to have to mediate or discipline them. Just like parents, some grandparents (aunts, uncles, friends, etc.) have various expectations of children and various skill levels when it comes to keeping the peace. But, how much, really, should others have to endure … Continue reading →

Does Fighting Mean They Hate Each Other?

Sometimes siblings can fight in such a hard and mean way that a parent wonders if there is any love between them at all! When they are screaming about how much they hate each other and the fists are flying, you may start to believe they actually DO hate each other and worry that they will never be close or supportive. For parents of hard-fighting siblings, DO they really hate each other for good? Some of us may have our own history with siblings that we did not get along well with or may even be estranged from as adults. … Continue reading →

Fighting, Fighting, Fighting!

This is not just an article for families with siblings–sometimes even only children will have neighborhood chums or school friends who seem to be more sparring partners than buddies. For some of us parents, we just can’t figure out why we cannot get a moment’s peace for all the arguments, squabbling, and fighting that goes on in our houses and yards. As I used to say to my own children when they went through battling stages– “We’re not that kind of family!” Obviously, at least once in a while, we were… Why do kids fight with each other and how … Continue reading →