Tag Archives: identity

Mother or Single Mother

When you tell people that you are a parent (and this article can be about Dads too), how do you identify yourself? Do you tell them you are the “mother of two” (or one or three or whatever) or do you describe yourself as a “single mother”? I think it is interesting how we identify and think of ourselves when it comes to our role as single parents. Do you find that you temper your self-description to fit the audience or person you are meeting? I find that most of the time, I tend to clarify that I am a … Continue reading →

Book Review: Adoption, Race and Identity

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This volume contains the results of studies done in 1972, 1979, 1984 and 1991 on a consistent group of families with transracially adopted children. The authors hope to show the range of experiences of transracial adoptive families by comparing the same families over time. The formal study was conducted in 1972, 1979 and 1984 with families who had at least one transracially adopted child, with that child being between the ages of three and eight at the beginning of the study in 1972. Therefore the children were between ages twelve and nineteen at the study’s formal conclusion with the 1984 … Continue reading →

How Much of Your Identity is “Parent”?

I wrote earlier today about the role that the label “single” can play in our lives as single parents. I could not help but think that in the quest for fairness, we should explore how much of a role our identity as parents plays for us, and whether we have a hard time balancing our “single” status with our “parent” status (and all the other roles we play as well)? Being a parent is probably more central to my personal identity than being single is. I would even say that being a parent is one of the most grounding and … Continue reading →

How Much of Your Identity is “Single”?

When I am writing my articles for the Single Parents blog, I seldom write the word “single” without it being followed by the word “parent(s)”–for those of us who ARE single parents, we might find that the label of “single” either fits or does not feel like it describes our existences well at all. Our identity may involve so many things that while the rest of the world may be judging us solely on whether we are “coupled” or not, we might or might not agree… Even though the numbers prove that there are many, many single adults–both parents and … Continue reading →

When Your Friends Have No Idea What You “Do”

I had to chuckle a week or so ago when I was talking with a couple friends and one admitted that she had been asked by a mutual friend just “what exactly” I do. She admitted she was at a loss for words and couldn’t really figure out how to explain it. It seemed funny to me because I realized that I couldn’t really tell someone exactly what she does either—she works for the government in a cubicle and I think I know the general whereabouts of her office but that is about it. Here I write about the importance … Continue reading →

Separating Yourself from the Role of Parent Once in a While

I feel pretty comfortable with my maternal role and would definitely say that parenthood is a huge hunk of my identity and my purpose. HOWEVER, as single parents, we get locked into our parenting role as our only role. Sometimes, it is important to get away from the role of parent and try on some other sides of our identity… I wear my motherhood pretty obviously and with three kids and one single parent, a huge chunk of my time and life is taken up with parenting stuff. This has influenced how other people deal with me and they tend … Continue reading →

Is There Something You Would Rather Be Doing? (Instead of Parenting)

Recently, I heard a single parent state that she thought things would be going better in her family if she was “more into” parenting. As she said it, there were other things that she liked to do better than being a parent. What an interesting situation, I thought and I actually felt compassion for her and her family. I often take for granted the fact that I chose to be a parent and while I do look after myself and have my own interests, my kids and family life are at the center of my world. It has never dawned … Continue reading →

Person First, Parent Second

I often wrestle with the whole philosophy that the family and children should come first. While I definitely keep my children and family life at the center of my life, I have learned over the years as a single parent, that if I don’t take care of myself too–I cannot take good care of my family and meet all my obligations. I am not always sure HOW to take care of myself and meet all my responsibilities. I know full well that even if I schedule an evening out with a friend, something could happen with one of my kids … Continue reading →

Wrestling with Identity

If someone was to ask me what I thought a major “issue” is for single parent families, I would have to say that it has to do with identity. I know that people think of things like custody and finances when it comes to single parent families, but I think one of our major tasks—both as parents and as children—is to sort out a new and evolving identity for ourselves that jives with how our family is NOW… We may have started out partnered or married, or thought of ourselves as part of a parenting team. Our children certainly had … Continue reading →

Expecting Kids to Be Reactionary

When I think back to how I formed my identity and my understanding of myself in my growing up years, I realize that a great deal of it was in direct reaction to my parents. As an adolescent, many of my core decisions were made based on doing the opposite of what my parents did! I wanted to be my own person and all I knew was that my “own person” had to be completely different from who they were. I think we have to expect that our children will start to formulate their own identities based on trying to … Continue reading →