Marriage Communication: How to Forgive

It is said that to forgive is divine, yet for many of us forgiveness is seems to be more than divine – it seems to be impossible. While the following may sound like a platitude, there is a great deal of truth in it. When we forgive those that do us wrong, we’re helping ourselves to achieve a sense of personal peace. We forgive those that trespass and ask forgiveness for our own trespasses – it’s good sense for our hearts, our minds and our marriages. How to Forgive A study at Stanford University found that people who forgive are … Continue reading

Marriage – A Meeting of the Minds

The hallmark of a superior intellect is one that recognizes that we need to keep an open dialogue on all issues both those we agree on and those we don’t. I’m such a huge believer in debate and differences of opinion, the largest reason being that when you have the ability to see the other person’s point of view, you are opening up the opportunity to learn something and to learn more than what a limited viewpoint might offer. We Don’t Always Agree My husband and I have different approaches to life. We have different backgrounds. We have different experiences. … Continue reading

Is Your Sex Life on the Skids?

This is a family forum and I’m going to do my best to discuss the following topic in a way that is not offensive. However, as marriages go, having your sex life hit the skids is a problem many couples may face after the birth of children. No matter how active, creative or unlimited their intimacy was prior to children – it seems that having a baby can not only neutralize the interest in physical intimacy, but also cut it off altogether. Identifying the Problem You may think the lack of interest in physical intimacy is the problem, yet strangely … Continue reading

Thoughtfulness – Or the Lack Thereof

There is an amazing thing that happens in some marriages and when you notice it in your own, you may find yourself at a loss for words. But the truth is, loss for words or not, it’s important to address the situation for what it is. Now that I’ve done all that build up, what am I talking about? I’m talking about the thoughtfulness that we demonstrate to our friends, coworkers and neighbors that we seem to forget when we walk in our front doors. This can actually be a problem that creeps up in your marriage. It’s not one … Continue reading

Where Does Your Attention Go? (Part III)

I’ve spent a lot of time talking about where your attention goes today. But I think it’s a topic that needs more than just a few minutes of time to consider and digest. We can understand the idea mentally, but we need to feel it emotionally. It sounds incredibly simple on the surface. Believe in positive things and you will experience positive reactions. But knowing that it’s simple and believing that it is are two very different things. We are giving knowledge of the abundance of love, acceptance, encouragement and more as infants. Our families fill us with their love, … Continue reading

Wow – When Did You Get So Domestic?

Over the years, a number of our single friends have drifted away. They have either found other singles to hang out with or entered into relationships of their own. One way or another, our shared interests dissipated. About two years into our marriage, my husband and I shared a uniquely similar experience although with vastly different commentary from our single friends. It was about this time that we bought and started carrying cell phones on a regular basis. We’d long since developed the habits of checking in with each other periodically over the course of the day, but here is … Continue reading

Complain, Don’t Criticize

Complaints are better than criticisms. I used to think complaints and criticisms were the same thing. Apparently, I wasn’t basing this on much in the way of substantial evidence. Marriage Guru and Therapist John Gottman calls criticism one of his four horsemen of the apocalypse where marriage is concerned. So let’s think about this for a minute. I can see his points. When we criticize someone all the time, we can alienate him or her and push him or her away. When we complain, we can express upset and a desire for help. Complaints can be filed and resolved. Criticisms … Continue reading

Something to Talk About

I love the movie Something to Talk About starring Julia Roberts and Dennis Quaid. While I am hardly remarking on it as a diagram for marriage, what struck me throughout the film was that our couple just didn’t talk anymore. Neither of them were happy, but they weren’t aware of it – they just knew they weren’t happy. Sometimes we lose the thread of conversation and when that happens, the last thing we need to do is to try and fill a void of conversation with our spouse by seeking out another person. If you’re having trouble finding something to … Continue reading

A Long Conversation

Conversation is imperative if gaps are to be filled, and old age, it is the last gap but one. – Patrick White A happy marriage is a long conversation, which always seems too short. – Andre Maurois A lack of conversation is a warning sign that a marriage is troubled. I have always considered myself fortunate that no matter what troubles my husband and I seem to be facing, a lack of conversation is not one of them. Consider back to when you and your spouse first met – conversation was likely not a problem. We don’t marry people just … Continue reading