Tag Archives: parenting time

Drop-In Visits from the Other Parent

One of the issues I have heard single parents complain of is when the child’s other parent is a “drop-in” visitor. For some families, it doesn’t seem to matter if there are legal arrangements; the other parent either ignores them, or augments the agreed-upon visits with unannounced drop-ins. The child may think this is great—but it can be hard and frustrating for the custodial parent. A parent may rely on drop-in visits for a variety of reasons—it could be that he or she doesn’t want to have a set schedule, or it can also be a power play and a … Continue reading →

When Everybody Wants to Be the Center of Attention

Some people are more dramatic than others, and some children seem to crave attention more than others–but anyone who has more than one child knows that competing for attention can often be the name of the game. Throw in the dog, a cat or two, and a spouse or partner and it can seem like everyone wants to be the center of attention! It wasn’t that long ago that my kids would compete with who could “sit next to mom” whenever we went anywhere. With only two sides, that meant someone was often getting left out (once they were two … Continue reading →

Whatever Happened to “Quality Time”?

In my early years of parenthood (nearly twenty years ago now) the big buzz word was “quality time”—instead of worrying about spending every waking minute with our children, we parents were encouraged to think about the quality of the time we spent with our kids. Quality was supposed to trump quantity. But, it seems that discussion has fallen out of favor, or at least fallen out of the public eye… You probably won’t be surprised to discover that I actually think that both quality and quantity are important. Now that I have lived through many years of parenting trenches, I … Continue reading →

Is There Room in Your Custody and Parenting Plans for Unscheduled Time?

I know that every family is different and some of us have much more structured parenting plans and custody arrangements than others. But, I think that there are also times in a child’s life when flexibility might be in order. Just because the calendar says that he has to be at dad’s house, shouldn’t mean that he can’t have some “unscheduled” time with mom if the need arises. For some families, it can take a while to get to a place where unscheduled time is even possible, but I do think it needs to be a consideration as you try … Continue reading →

Divorced Parenting: Rules of the Exchange

Often, divorced parents rarely communicate outside the drop-off and pick-up of their children during visitation times. No one wants to take more time than necessary out of their lives to voluntarily communicate with someone they don’t get along with. But, beyond simple pleasantries, communicating at the children’s exchange is never a good idea. Often, simple communications turn into larger disagreements and it is inappropriate to use a time that should be happy and relaxed and child-focused as a convenient platform to spur an argument. The exchange is hard enough for children. It is typical for children to have difficulty transitioning … Continue reading →

What Is Joint Custody?

When parents are first embarking upon separation or divorce, they often hear the term “joint custody”. In fact, joint custody of one form or another is the norm, these days. What exactly is joint custody? Two Types of Joint Custody There are two types of joint custody: Physical and Legal. Joint Legal custody is where both parents have the joint right to share in important decisions regarding the child in the areas of education, religious upbringing and medical care. It has been the norm for the last decade or two. This was step one of the Father’s Rights crusade to … Continue reading →

The Case Against Joint Physical Custody

We’ve come a long way since we were children and mothers were routinely given full custody of the children and fathers frequently disappeared and less frequently received a standard visitation schedule of every other weekend visits. In fact, we’ve come so far that now many courts don’t call it “visitation” but more aptly, “Parenting time”. We have seen the damage done to children raised without male role models. We have learned our lessons. Now we believe that any child deserves to share as much time as possible with both parents, if they are willing. Most courts will now consider a … Continue reading →