Tag Archives: spanking

I’m The Mom, That’s Why.

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Some days are not my favorite. I absolutely hate punishing my daughter. The house feels like a war zone when it is just the two of us and she is not speaking to me because I’m not being fair. Sometimes I have no choice but to punish her, take away privileges, ground her from something fun. That is when I become the meanest mother in the world. I am constantly second guessing myself.  Was I too hard on her? Did I overreact? Is this just a normal stage and not something I need to head off at the pass? It … Continue reading →

Not Mom of the Year

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I have failed. I’m not going to be Mom of the Year again this year. Finally I am OK with that. When I was first divorced the guilt I had for tearing my child’s family apart made me too lenient. I always excused bad behavior, blamed it on the divorce, gave in and looked the other way. No more. Now that my daughter is a teenager it is more important than ever to be her Mom and not her friend. It is harder to be the bad guy now. The tears when she was 10 cleared much quicker than the … Continue reading →

Going with the Flow: Boundaries and Non-Coercive Parenting

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Kids need boundaries. I certainly believe this. Or rather, I believe that all humans need a sense of safe space. We all need to be able to move about in our worlds with a feeling of security, a feeling that we know what the rules are. However, we also need to be able to push and shape those rules as well. How much push you allow and how tight your rules are happen to be two of the defining forces in parenting. I consider myself to be a middle-of-the-road parent when it comes to rules, but I suspect that many … Continue reading →

To Share or Not to Share

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Sharing is important, right? Well, yes. When you bring some goodies for people at the office or the playgroup, that is important. However, imagine this. You’re at the office and someone brings in a doughnut. It’s one of the doughnuts that is filled with jam. Delicious! You decide that you would really, really like it, so you reach out and grab it from the surprised office worker’s mouth. You get it! Excellent. You start to eat it, when your fellow worker turns around, slaps you, and nabs the doughnut back. You begin to cry. Just then your boss walks in, … Continue reading →

Whatever Happened to Balance and Common Sense?

Whatever happened to balance and common sense? Last week I watched a Dr. Phil show that talked about over the top ways of disciplining. In some situations the discipline actually led to death. There was one segment about a 12-year-old girl in a junior high school who was arrested because she had doodled on her desk. Of course, damaging school property is something that needs to be addressed. However keep in mind that this young girl had first of all, used an erasable marker that would have taken a few seconds to wipe off and second of all, she didn’t … Continue reading →

Discipline When You’re The Only Parent

I’ve been a single parent for the past six years. One of the many things I’ve discovered along this path is that discipline is really tough to balance out when you’re the only parent in the household. Most couples will admit that there’s always a good cop/bad cop way of enforcing rules in the family. In my marriage I was the good cop and their father was the bad cop. (He was too bad in various ways, which is why we parted ways.) When I found myself a single parent with five daughters to guide and keep in line when … Continue reading →

Time Outs for Toddlers

To say I am a firm believer in time outs for toddlers is an understatement. I have tried everything to get my son to behave and listen to what I tell him. He is a very strong-willed, hard-headed, stubborn child. He is full of energy and determination. Consequently, he is always getting into trouble. My son’s most recent reaction to getting into trouble is to smile and come over and hug me. I recently told him, “I don’t want a hug. I want you to listen and to do what you are told.” At that point, he leaned in and … Continue reading →

Do You Discipline Your Child in Public?

When it comes to disciplining a child, consistency is key. However, these days when screaming is the new spanking and swatting a child on the butt could land you in jail, some parents feel forced to ignore their tot when he has meltdown in public. Throw in the fact that everyone armed with a cellphone these days has child welfare services on speed dial and kids don’t hesitate to call the cops on their own parents (when they aren’t seeking revenge via the Internet), and you have the recipe for potential pandemonium. I, like many other parents, hate disciplining my … Continue reading →

Do Time Outs Really Work With Toddlers?

Not if you ask Alfie Kohn. The know-it-all… I mean, child behavior expert and author… recently wrote a piece in the New York Times admonishing parents who punish their children for bad behavior AND those who reward their children for good behavior. According to Kohn, parents who reward or punish their children are sending a message that love is dependent on behavior: “Turn up the affection when they’re good, withhold affection when they’re not.” So, no time outs and no gold stars. I guess Kohn just wants us to let our rule-ignoring kids run around hog wild and never suffer … Continue reading →

Disciplining Other People’s Kids

Back when I was growing up in a tight knit community in Queens, New York, we kids took it for granted that any adult we knew might feel free to discipline us for bad behavior. Today, parents aren’t quite so sure. We wonder if we have a right to discipline someone else’s child, even if that child is getting away with something that we would never in a million years allow our own children to do. We often ignore the bad behavior in someone else’s child, leaving our own kids bewildered. I think there may be two big reasons that … Continue reading →