Children with autism spectrum disorders, behavioral disorders, and Sensory Integration Disorders often develop rigid thinking. They want certain things done at a certain times, in a certain order, and in a certain way. Otherwise, a tantrum ensues. That’s because these special kids often feel a loss of control over important aspects of their lives. What is normal and routine for the rest of us can be difficult and frustrating for them. Imagine having your body respond clumsily when you’re trying to do work or play. Or imagine being dragged from place to place by a parent and not having the cognitive ability to understand why. By holding tightly to what they can predict, these children find a little bit of comfort in their chaotic world.
A child who is totally inflexible to change is going to have a lot of difficulty coping with reality. Of course, life is random, full of last minute mishaps, schedule changes, and misunderstandings. The sooner we can acclimate our kids to change, the better. Here are some tips for dealing with a rigid-thinking child:
1. Start by focusing on just a few areas where flexibility is needed most. If your child is constantly upset when you’re out running errands, this is the place to begin. If she is hysterical over having a babysitter, start there. If he won’t leave Grandma’s house without a fit, focus on that problem.
2. Create behavior incentives using something that is the same each time, like tickets, tokens, or stickers. Let the sameness of the identical tickets, tokens, or marbles be the familiar thing during the unfamiliar situation. You could also use marbles dropped into a jar. (The smooth texture and “clicks” when it’s dropped is satisfying for some kids—as long as they won’t put them in their mouthes!) Explain to the child, “When we leave Grandma’s house today, if you DON’T scream, you’ll get a marble to put in the jar when we get home.” For a young child or one with language difficulties, catch him or her during good behavior several times beforehand and give a ticket to teach the concept. Let the child cash in the tokens or tickets for a reward at the end of the day.
3. Repeating a similar comfort phrase also create sameness: “Sometimes we have to change our plans. And that’s okay.” Use this exact phrase (or your own version) every time flexibility is needed. You are bringing a sense of control and predictability during the chaos. The child remembers you said that last time and everything eventually turned out fine. Remind the child that if she stays calm, she’ll get a token to put in the jar at home.
4. A transition board can help children who are very resistant to change. The board helps them “plan” their day and move more easily from one event to the next. (Click HERE to read my blog about transition boards.)
5. Don’t reward the child for bad behavior. A severe tantrum or uncontrolled anger warrants a predictable, swift consequence. An extinction technique for tantrums can work wonders. The naughty stool may be effective, or losing a particular privilege. Be firm. Don’t underestimate your child’s ability to manipulate you. Even severely autistic children can be master manipulators. Besides using motivators, demonstrate love and appreciation when your son or daughter tries to accept a new situation with courage.