The post-partum period is a roller coaster of emotions. At least, it always has been for me. The sleep deprivation, the joy of being a mother all over again, the stress of making sure that you are doing everything just right. Breastfeeding seems to go right along for the ride in that roller coaster.
I have been blessed to breastfeed my two older children for 14 months each. It was a difficult and beautiful time in my life and theirs. We bonded. I wanted it to end one day, and dreaded the time I would wean the next. This time around, it’s no different. My 5 month old has had lots of issues. I’ve been trying to eliminate foods from my diet to help his tummy. It’s been a difficult road. In the past 3 weeks I eliminated 3 more foods from my diet, and he started to seem better. However, an ear infection struck, and I’ve been stuck in a holding pattern unable to add more foods back into my diet. It has been beyond frustrating to not be eating any dairy, soy, corn, nuts, eggs, rice, wheat and oats. That’s a long list!
So, I started contemplating giving up breastfeeding all together. I cried about this decision a lot. But, my little guy decided he did not want the dairy/soy free formula I tried giving him. So, I continued to eliminate foods, continued to pray for the best, and continued to be up one day, and down the next, breastfeeding through it all. Through prayer, I had come to the decision that maybe breastfeeding was not best for my baby when it meant sacrificing more than just food. My older kids are suffering from my lack of attention, our family time is suffering, and we all know how time with your spouse suffers no matter what when you have a new baby. I was at peace with the decision, but if he wouldn’t take formula, I was at a loss.
Yesterday, I had a breakthrough. My mind is swirling with thoughts of getting to eat ice cream again, to having better sleep, to not wanting to let go of the comfort breastfeeding brings to both me and my baby. It’s emotional. But, yesterday, I tried a different formula, and he took it! A full 4 oz. Now, we are a long way away from saying that he is OK with the formula, after all, it was just one bottle, but I feel excited. I feel hopeful. I feel sad. I’m sure the next few weeks will be very hard for me as we attempt to switch him. But, he will probably just smile through it all, like he does everything. I’m so happy for that.