Some years ago I studied post graduate Solution Focused Therapy under Dr Robert McNeilly. He had just coauthored “Healing with Words” and since then I have been interested in the traditional family words that have far greater positive meaning than anyone else could possibly realize. Ours are “Stars and Moon” and “I love you 50”, – they each mean the same thing. Both are short for: “I love you 50 thousand million trillion AND all the way to the sun, the moon, around the stars and back again.” The history of these statements are modern, founded in the wonderful child’s story, “Guess How Much I love You.” The potency of either statement has roots in some very black family times and the family strength required to pull everyone through. My eldest daughter (24) still cherishes the book I gave her for her 16th birthday, “Guess How Much I Love You” and the only message written on the inside cover is, “Stars and Moon x 50.” I didn’t have to say anything else, because the message behind those few words is clear to us.
I was recently forwarded a beautiful story from a families.com member to share with my clients. Its comfort and healing words are so powerful that I choose now to share it with you. It has done the rounds in serendipitous emails apparently so you may already know the story of “Enough.” I had never seen it before, but I sure wish I had:
Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, “I love you and I wish you enough.”
The daughter replied, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.”
They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever? “.
“Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?”.
“I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is — the next trip back will be for my funeral,” she said.
“When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough.’ May I ask what that means?”
She began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. “When we said, ‘I wish you enough’, we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.”
Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.
• I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright
• I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
• I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
• I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
• I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
• I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
• I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.
Many families have words they use that host a history of personal and healing meaning. What healing or comfort words have become a tradition in your family?
Enough!
Related families.com articles:
How to Use Bibliotherapy to Help your Child Solve a Problem
What not to say to people in distress (2)
The Donkey of Difference to Carry Us to Improved Mental Health
Make a difference in another child’s life: Actively listen to them
Journaling for Improved Mental Health: Scrapathy is the Cheapest Health Cover.
My FAVORITE child focused article of the day:
Birthday Letters by Myra Turner.