How much better we would get along in our marriage relationship if we became more adept at choosing our words carefully and watching the way we phrase things. Telling your marriage partner what they should, or should not, do rarely achieves what we desire. It rarely makes for a harmonious relationship. The reality is people often resent being told what to do. So how can we deal with this?
A far better way is to use praise, encouragement and suggestion. Instead do saying ‘You should do this.’ It would be better to ask, ’What do you think about doing this?’’ That way the person doesn’t feel hemmed into corner. They can also end up feeling it was their idea.
While laid up with current back pain, I have been watching DVDs. Of course that included my favorite move ‘Friendly Persuasion.’ In one case the husband says to his wife, a Quaker minister, when they are having an altercation over the organ he has purchased. ’ When thee asks or suggests I am like putty in thy hands but when thee forbids thee is barking up the wrong tree.’
To paraphrase it out of Quaker speak into modern day English, a suggestion or request is always greeted more favorably that an order. Start laying down the law and all that happens is your spouse gets their back up and becomes more determined to do things their own way.
It could have been very easy while I have been laid up to sit back and criticize the way Mick did things, if they weren’t done exactly as I would have done them. Instead I was grateful for his support. I praised and encouraged him telling what a wonderful job he has been doing. Then when I have an idea, he is more ready to listen if is say. ‘Do you think it might be better if you did this?’
When it all comes down to isn’t it using common sense? People will feel resentful and less inclined to do things if they don’t feel appreciated and only feel criticized.
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