In Part 1 I presented some of the reasons the panelists interviewed on Today posed as reasons for why men cheat. Here are the rest.
The “Me First” Mentality
Jeff Gardere, the psychologist (and the only man on the panel), brought this one up, Dr. Laura seconded it, and Helen Fisher nodded in agreement: men are weak and selfish.
I definitely believe this one. Sure, there are some women who can be considered high maintenance, but all men are –no matter how simple they may seem.
Admit it, ladies. You may have the greatest guy in the world, but he needs way more attention than you do. His ego’s a lot more sensitive. He comes first. All men suffer from this. They don’t like being anything except first, because not only their moms but society teaches them they should always come first.
Women like to come first too, but we’re much more inclined to put our needs behind everyone else’s –-kids, family, employers, husbands– before tending to our own. Men don’t tend to others until after they’re tended to. And if they’re not getting that at home, they look elsewhere. (Or, if they don’t actively go looking, are more susceptible to it if it’s brought to them.)
This led to the most controversial panel assessment.
If a Man Cheats His Woman’s to Blame
Dr. Laura made this claim. Even though it was shocking and what any woman who’s ever been betrayed fears (“It was my fault. I somehow made him do it.”), it’s one I begrudgingly admit there’s probably some truth to.
Why?
Because men are so self-centered. It all goes back to that. If you don’t have his back (as in watching out for it and protecting it), rub his back, tuck his back in when he lays down to go to bed at night, you’re not meeting his needs. Therefore you’re not putting him first.
If you deny more and more needs, he’ll satisfy them elsewhere. Be they sexual, emotional, or psychological.
That’s not always why men cheat, but it definitely accounts for a great deal of it. And as Dr. Laura pointed out, if things were completely satisfactory at home he never would have felt a need to be lured elsewhere.
Even though it pains me to admit that (because I know several Families.com members have suffered such events in their own marriages), it really does make sense.
Courtney Mroch writes about animals great and small in Pets and the harmony and strife that encompasses married life in Marriage. For a full listing of her articles click here.
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