‘A friend understands what you’re trying to say … even when your thoughts aren’t fitting into words,’ says Ann D Parrish. While that may be true at times, we shouldn’t expect our friend to always be able to do this. Certainly we shouldn’t expect our spouse to always know what we’re thinking or feeling. Words are given to us for a reason. So we can use them.
If you’re not happy about something your spouse is doing, if your marriage seems to have hit a bit of a brick wall, if your relationship has stalled, then don’t just expect your spouse will know and respond.
It’s one thing to be one the same wave length and not have to tell your spouse everything. Often Mick and I are like that. He will say what I am thinking or vice versa, or we will be able to finish each other’s sentences. That’s probably part of having been married a long time.
But, and here is the big BUT, there are other times when we need words. I am not a mind reader and neither is he, which is probably just as well. I think that would be a terrible burden to have. I’ve just been reading a novel about someone who could read the thoughts of others. While it could be useful at times, at other times it could be devastating. Would you really like someone to read your thoughts ALL the time? I wouldn’t.
Of course some of us it’s easier to do. Our faces tend to give away what we’re thinking. We’re not good at concealing our thoughts and emotions. But mostly if there is a problem, we need to be able to bring it out in the open and clear the air.
Better still, don’t wait till there is a problem but talk to each other lots. I’m a great believer that communication is one of the essential components of marriage. Don’t expect you’re your spouse to know how much you love them. Tell them. Women, on the whole, are better at this than men. Then show it by the things you do for them as well.
The right word at the right time can be such an encouragement. So don’t forget to use those little encouragements with your spouse. Compliment your spouse when he or she looks hot, when they say or do something special. Let them know how glad you are to be married to them. Don’t just expect them to read your mind and know these things.
If there is something they are doing that is annoying you, make sure you tell them that too. Don’t let it go on. Just be careful to pick your moment and the manner in which you tell them.
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