Have you grieved for your marriage? If not, you can’t heal. Although it’s not an actual death it is the death of your dream, that one that you’ve been carrying in your heart since you were a teenager. Mom and Dad who love each other raising a few perfect kids in a house with a white picket fence. It’s hard to let go and in order to let go you have to grieve what is lost.
I’m not saying that you should wallow in that grief but just know that it is part of the process. Give yourself time to grieve and then get up, dust yourself off, and figure out who you are now.
The hardest part for me when I got divorced was figuring out who I was now that I was no longer anyone’s wife. I was always someone’s wife. I left home at eighteen to get married. I went from daughter to wife with no sightseeing tour in between.
After I mourned my lost dreams I had to rediscover what it was I liked and how I wanted to live my life. This was harder than it sounds. When you have always been part of we and us, sometimes you forget that you have likes and interests that are separate from your family’s. Now is the time to figure out what they are, this will help you decide how the rest of your life will be.
What gives you a feeling of strength or pride? Is it a job well done? Running a 5K or helping at a homeless shelter? As you go through your day pay attention to what energizes you and what weighs you down. Do you continue to do that things you’ve always done, even if they no longer bring you joy, simply because they are a habit?
Pay attention to your surroundings and your reaction to them. Maybe you love flowers but never gardened because you didn’t have the space at your house. Maybe you like to paint, or write, or just sing loudly and off key.
As much as we are focused on our children after a divorce this is also a time for us. A time to reconnect with who we are and what we love. This is an opportunity to start over, to set the course for the rest of your life. Only you can decide what that will look like.