When my children were younger one of the parenting concepts I tried to follow was to catch your child doing good and give them recognition for that. This was especially helpful during the years when my children were around 2, 4 and 7 years old.
Now that I have a preteen and teenagers, I am finding that parenting concept to be helpful yet again. It probably isn’t really this way but it sometimes feels like there is always something going on. There is always some issue with at least one of my children. Having two children in middle school and one in high school definitely makes for interesting days.
So once again I see the need to catch them doing well and what I am discovering is that encouragement is a really great motivator for my teens. Believe me, they know when your words are genuine and come from the heart.
Saying things like “Good job” or “Way to go” just doesn’t really work with teens. They need something a little more concrete, more specific.
Now of all my children it is my youngest who keeps me on my toes the most. He is a real firecracker and so I sometimes find it a bit more challenging to look for those good moments. Not because they don’t exist, because the truth is that his good moments do outweigh his less than good moments, it’s just that I tend to focus too much on the negative.
I discovered the power of encouragement a few days ago. We had gone to the movies and the man who took our tickets was in a wheelchair. If I were to guess he probably has cerebral palsy and it’s pretty severe. His body is twisted and it takes him a few moments to tear the tickets.
I chatted with him while he tore our tickets and when we walked away my youngest said to me, “He is really nice.” Suddenly it occurred to me. There is a real tender spot in my son’s heart for the disabled. He had been talking a lot lately about a boy in his grade that is autistic and how he is friends with him and sticks up for him.
Many children might have been frightened or apprehensive about the man in the wheelchair but not my son. He saw him as a nice man, despite how he looked. So I said to him, “You really have a heart for those who are different, don’t you?” He smiled and nodded his head. I went on to tell him what an admirable quality that is, one that not everyone has and how special that makes him.
My son’s face just lit up. Those encouraging words really meant something to him and I believe they encouraged him to be on his best behavior at the movies. I really did expect certain behavior from him and when it didn’t happen, I was able to connect what I had said to him to how he chose to behave.
I am definitely going to work more on encouraging all of my children but especially my youngest. If you want to motivate your teen don’t threaten, cajole or criticize…try some encouragement and see what that does.
Related Articles: