What Have I Done to My Marriage? – Part Three, Salvation Strategies

Yesterday I wrote what turned into Parts One and Two of the “What Have I Done to My Marriage” mini-series.

Where I left off in the saga was how Wayne and I weren’t even on speaking terms this past weekend. In our years together we’ve had our moments of silent treatments, but they usually remain just that –moments. Saturday morning we went a few hours giving each other the silent treatment, and then again that night and into Sunday morning. That’s highly unusual.

Fear and Doubt Sets In

Sunday morning I woke up frantic, unable to push the following thoughts from my mind:

“What if this is it? What if this is Wayne’s final straw? I always believed he was dead-set against divorce, but what if all these changes are too much? What if this is his breaking point that makes divorce an option for him?”

Wayne Dyer’s Words of Wisdom

As I mentioned in one of the earlier parts to this series, one of the books I’m re-reading at the moment and from which I draw much strength and guidance is Wayne Dyer’s 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace.

The following is from a passage I happened to read first thing Sunday morning:

If things aren’t going well, ask yourself, “Am I treating this relationship as it is, or as I would like it to be?” So how do you want it to be? Peaceful? Harmonious? Mutually satisfying? Respectful? Loving? Of course you do. As such, before your next encounter, see it in those ways. Have expectations that focus on the qualities of inner peace and success.

You’ll find yourself pointing out what you love about that person rather that what they’re doing wrong. You’ll also see the other person responding to you in love and harmony rather than in an embittered way.

~-Excerpted from The Eighth Secret found in 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace-~

The Talk

Being reminded that you get what you give was the mirror I needed held up to my face to set a new attitude in motion.

With renewed confidence that I could prevent my marriage from spinning towards the Big D by simply talking and listening to Wayne, I humbly approached him after his Sunday morning run and said, “I know things are rough between us and my behavior hasn’t been up to par. I know you must be frustrated too. Can we talk it all out?”

And that’s what we did. We sat on our front stoop openly sharing our concerns, our frustrations, our unmet expectations, and then we tried to find ways to make things better. For everyone.

Respectful Results

Neither Wayne nor I go to church, but my mom does. Since we’re her only way for getting there, I offered to take her. Wayne then offered to accompany us.

Later that afternoon, Wayne wanted to go do a run/swim race with a group of triathletes he trains with.

“Go. Have fun,” I said when he was hesitant about leaving me and my mom as we played in the garden.

Then, he reciprocated the free time on Tuesday night, which is one of my volleyball nights.

He was at a point in work where he could sneak out early. He called and said, “If you want to go play, I’ll take your mom on a dinner date. Give you some time to unwind.”

I’m sure we’ll encounter other bumps as we adjust to these new living arrangements, but I’m glad that we found a way to traverse that first one. It actually produced some very happy results for us all.

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