Which one of your children is your favorite? This controversial question is one that most parents cannot answer. They love all their children equally (as they should). Problems arise when parents make it clear that they have a favorite child. Those same problems come up when a child perceives that his or her parents are playing favorites – even if the parents are not actually doing that.
A study done by Alex Jensen (and others) found something that could be really troubling to parents. It is entirely possible for parents to treat all of their children equally and still have one (or more) of them believe that their parents have a favorite child. How a teen or child perceives the situation has more impact than what is actually happening.
The researchers who did the study found that there are problems that happen when teenagers think their parents favor a sibling over them. The problematic behaviors can start occurring even if the parents truly aren’t playing favorites. If the teen believes that is what is happening – that’s all it takes for the bad behaviors to appear in response to the perceived favoritism.
Teens who think their parents play favorites are more likely to get into trouble than teens who are aware that their parents treat all their kids the same way. Substance abuse is more likely to happen with teens who think their parents favor a sibling over them. Again, this is based on the teen’s perception of whether or not their parents play favorites.
The study found that the less favored child is 3.5 times more likely to engage is substance use and abuse. Not only are they more likely to use substances, they are also more likely to escalate the behavior. Disaffected teens who start smoking are more likely to try alcohol, to smoke marijuana, or to try harder drugs.
The more that a teen believes that he or she is being shorted by their parents, the riskier that teen’s behavior is likely to become. In other words, this is something that parents need to be aware of and to watch out for. Don’t assume that all must be well simply because you know that you treat each of your children fairly. A teen that believes he or she is the less favored child is going to exhibit the same problematic behaviors as a teen who truly is the unfavored child.
What can a parent do to prevent this from happening? The study may have an answer for that. The researchers found that in families that are close-knit, that have good relationships with each other, and in which there isn’t a lot of fighting, there was less effect from perceived inequality. Teens from those families were less likely to think their parents played favorites.
Related Articles at Families.com:
* How to Combat Sibling Rivalry