In the Blended Family section, I tend not to focus on a lot of custody or divorce issues, simply because the focus of this blog is supposed to be on blended families, step families and the uniting of two established families. However, custody is a big part of a blended family, step family or otherwise when it involves children on one or both sides. Therefore, it seems only natural that it should go in this section.
In my eight years of divorce, and then eventually living in a blended family, I have definitely been through my fair share of visitations and vacations with children going to visit the other parent. And I know that when they return, more often than not, it is almost like getting a different child back.
For many years, as I struggled as a single parent, I thought that I must be the only parent who was going through that strange transition period, because I never heard anyone else express anything regarding it. However, now I have three step daughters who see their mother every other week and I’ve added a whole new custody/visitation scenario to my experience. One that doesn’t match mine, and indicates that the transitioning period, is probably a common situation for most blended families, step families or even single parent families.
The first problem that tends to affect the transitioning period, is often the time that they return. If it isn’t the same each week, this can be a problem because the child never knows what they will be coming home to, what activities or events might be occurring or who will be home at what time. It really is important to have the children on as much of a schedule as possible, so that at least this part of the transition is easier to manage.
If you are the person the child lives with most of the time, the one that they consider “home”, have you ever watched them after they have returned home? Have you ever noticed peculiar behavior? Perhaps they seem withdrawn, or snippy? It is different for all children, but if you ever thought “Hey, where’s MY child?” when you looked at them after returning home, it sounds as if perhaps they are having a bit of difficulty with the transitioning.
Tomorrow I will delve into tips and hints to make transitioning easier for your child.