I’ve spent a lot of time talking about where your attention goes today. But I think it’s a topic that needs more than just a few minutes of time to consider and digest. We can understand the idea mentally, but we need to feel it emotionally.
It sounds incredibly simple on the surface. Believe in positive things and you will experience positive reactions. But knowing that it’s simple and believing that it is are two very different things. We are giving knowledge of the abundance of love, acceptance, encouragement and more as infants.
Our families fill us with their love, their soft words and their gestures. We believe we are loved and we experience it in every moment, great and small. As children, we believe this so strongly, that it is a very difficult thing to quash and makes proving abuse so hard. Even the most abused child believes they are loved even if they cannot ‘prove’ it.
So if we are born this way, why are we so skeptical as adults? Why does negative self-talk and doubts plague us?
Because it’s hammered out of us as we’re growing up. We experience rejection. We experience criticism. We experience unrequited love. For some of us, it can become so ingrained that we begin to feel fundamentally flawed.
If you are told often enough that your standards are too high, that your expectation are too great and that because of them – you are undeserving of ‘normal’ friendships and relationships – you will believe it. You will see friendships evaporate and you will feel that is the way it is supposed to be.
This can happen in the lifespan of a marriage, as well. It can be as simple as being told or telling your spouse that they never get ‘something’ right. Eventually, it becomes the truth because you have put your attention there and you have directed their attention there.
Right now, today – focus on the positive. Take one thing that your spouse or partner does and make it a positive. Take one thing that you do and make it a positive. It can be as simple as saying: I always want to help, I’m a good person and even when I cannot help – it does not change the fact that I want to and I will do what I can.
That’s a very strong positive. Tell that to yourself, over and over. Say it out loud. Say it to your spouse.
Look at what they do and acknowledge: You work hard. You are a considerate person because you work so hard. Take a truth that you know and don’t add qualifiers or caveats – make it a positive and put your attention there.
If you do that – you will both experience the positive results.