On Christmas Eve, while at my mom and dad’s home, my husband, kids and I began to wind down for the night. My husband retreated to the spare room with our youngest, and our oldest who is five-and-a-half and I stayed out in the living room for our sleep over. Some of the grown-ups had been watching television prior so my son and I caught the tail end of the show COPS. Though this is not something we typically allow our young children to watch, it happened and my son was left with questions. This particular episode was on drug busts. Set to a Christmas song in the background, the end of this program showed officers who appeared to be rescuing young children. Our resulting dialogue went something like this:
Son: What is that stuff?
Me: Oh, those look like drugs that are against the law. Some people make bad choices and use drugs because they make them feel good but they can cause the person to feel sick, do naughty things and even die.
Son: Why do those policemen have the kids?
Me: Well son, it looks like they are helping those kids. Their parents were using bad drugs and not keeping them safe. They might be going to a foster home.
Son: What’s a foster home?
Me: Don’t you remember? That is where you lived before we became a family?
Son: Did the Policemen take me?
Me: No Honey, the police didn’t take you; you were born in a hospital because (birth mother’s name withheld) used drugs and could not keep you safe, so the hospital called some people who helped get you into a safe home—your foster home.
Son: Oh, okay.
Wondering if I said more than I should, I sat in my chair also shocked. My son has shown no interest in his past at all prior to this. I suppose I did say too much, but I worried that if I didn’t, he’d start making assumptions. The television of course went off; we said prayers and turned out the light. I thought the questions were over…
Son: I’m scared of the dark.
Me: That’s okay Honey. I used to be afraid of the dark too when I was little, but now I’m not afraid. Did you know this is the home that I grew up in? I was a little girl in this house!
Son: Well, who adopted you?
Me: (In total shock at the question) Well… Honey, I wasn’t adopted.
Son: Well whose tummy did you grow in?
Me: I grew in Grandma’s tummy.
Son: In Grandma’s tummy? I know you’re kidding. Well, I know everyone’s adopted—and I just know that.
I finally realized at this point why my son would get so annoyed and tell me “I know that!” when I’d bring up adoption or tell him of someone else who’s adopted. In his mind adoption was the norm. He has assumed everyone is adopted! He thought I’d been stating the obvious to him as if he didn’t understand. So, while I thought he meant in his last comment that he knows all the kids who are adopted, he was indeed telling me that everyone is adopted.
Me: No, not everyone is adopted. Adoption is a special thing. You know other kids who’ve been adopted, but most kids are not adopted.
That was the end of the conversation. He was satisfied with my answer and moved on to tell me, “Well, we should get some sleep now since we got to get up tomorrow.” I was lying there dumbfounded. I’d wondered if anything I told him could have been worded better. I’d planned how I’d answer my son—this wasn’t supposed to be how he’d pose the question in my mind. I’m not sure I would have ever known how to prepare for this.
Please visit my related blogs:
Telling Your Child They Were Adopted
Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog