The Global Domain Name (url) Families.com is currently available for acquisition. Please contact by phone at 805-627-1955 or Email for Details

Why Do People Think of Marriage as Hard Work?

Or another way of looking at it is: why do people expect marriage should be easy? I’ve been thinking about this a lot the last few days. It started the other day when I was in the checkout lane at Target and couldn’t help but overhear the conversation behind me.

It was between a mother and daughter. I don’t remember what sparked it, but at one point the daughter said, “I don’t even know if I will get married. I’m not sure I want the hassle.”

To which the mom said, “Good for you. Question it. If I had it to do all over again I wouldn’t have gotten married at your age. You’re so young and you have a lot of living left to do.”

A lot of living left to do? What, do you die when you get married?

I had to see how old this person was. As I loaded my bags into my cart, I snuck a glimpse at the mother and daughter. The daughter was young, but not that young. I’d say mid-twenties. It wasn’t like she was 16 or 18.

Once I was out of the store, I regretted I hadn’t had anything clever to say like, “Yeah, marriage closes some doors, but it also opens others. If you marry the right man you’ll never regret it or care that those doors are shut.”

It’s bothered me ever since. But then last night on the Amazing Race one of the contestants said something else that made me think why that daughter might feel the way she did.

Tina and Ken came in second on the show, but they were racing for more than a million dollars anyway. Their marriage was on the line.

Ken had been unfaithful to Tina and they had separated. They did the race in part to see if they could make things work out. Once they hit the finish line, Ken pulled out their rings that they hadn’t worn since they’d separated and asked Tina to give them another shot.

She said yes, then afterwards she had a little bit more to say.

“People do change. So much today people just throw marriages away so quickly, without really working hard at them. I’ve tried to hold onto the fact that, at Kenny’s core, he is a great person and he has so many wonderful qualities. I think he’s shown me on the race that I’m important to him; our marriage is important to him.”

What do you think of when you hear “hard work?” I think of toiling in a field for 15 hours a day under the hot sun picking vegetables with my bare hands or something. I don’t think of marriage as “work.”

It’s not always easy, no, but work? Work’s not fun. If that’s what that girl in the Target checkout lane is associating marriage with, no wonder she doesn’t want to do it.

Marriage requires attention and devotion, patience and understanding. It’s not all about one person or the other. It’s about people coming together to better each other. It’s not about what you give up, but all that you get in return.

Related Articles

The Marriage Revolution

Tossing Out the Marriage Guidebook – What Every Couple Needs to Know

Combine Your Time

Courtney Mroch writes about animals great and small in Pets and the harmony and strife that encompasses married life in Marriage. For a full listing of her articles click here.