In our last article, we looked at how a lack of knowledge about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) keeps the children and the adult children of the narcissist in the dark as to the true nature of what is going on in the households in which they grew up.
Clients often ask me why this condition is not well known and why it took them so long to discover that they were dealing with a particularly intractable problem with their parents.
The answer is twofold: Mental illness of any sort is still largely a topic of taboo despite numerous campaigns to de-stigmatize conditions which take up more hospital beds than physical ailments. So, as a society we fight the very existence of mental illness to a large extent. This makes it hard for the sufferers of mental illness to talk freely about their condition and receive empathy and help. But it also has the devastating effect of making the lives of family members, particularly young children, unnecessarily difficult.
In a sense, we are all victims of our reluctance to talk about mental illness because, despite the outward appearance and behavior of many of the general public, a huge proportion are affected by mental illness in some way, either personally or indirectly through friends and family members. And yet, as a society we largely continue to pretend that it does not exist.
The other reason why NPD is so little known is peculiar to this disorder in itself. It is not that common, affecting less than 5 % of the population. However although few are affected, the effect of the few on the families concerned can be devastating.
Having a NPD mother can result in a child who suffers chronic depression, low self esteem, generalized rage at the world, chronic anxiety and a failure to fulfill their potential.
A very common feeling is a sense that they are always serving two masters and this latter feeling often appears after marriage or the commencement of a serious long-term relationship. Because the adult child is not allowed to have a normal relationship with the NPD parent and therefore feel free to give themselves completely to their love partner, there is always inner tension and turmoil as the person strives to be both perfect child and perfect partner. Clearly this is not achievable and this alone sets up internal conflict, not to mention potential marriage difficulties.
Yet the victim of the narcissist struggles on until such time as they go into therapy for their own emotional difficulties. Often then, the therapist fails to locate one of the sources of their pain – a narcissistic parent. In coming articles, we will look at this phenomenon and how misdiagnosis can lead to further feelings of self doubt.
Contact Beth McHugh for further assistance regarding this issue. You can also join a discussion on this particular topic by contacting Beth McHugh via her website
Related Articles:
Why Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder So Little Known? (1)
All Articles on Narcissistic Personality Disorder